Multiple issues - no idea where to turn

[BetterEatCheese]

I don't know where to start so I will try and summarise where I feel I am and why

Grew up one of 3 in an emotionally neglectful family - we were very loved but no emotional maturity to be found and I have no adults to turn to

My sister was very off the rails from fairly young and took it out on me - she is still very volatile and I find it hard to spend time with her as she is so selfish and vocal about how everyone has it better than her. She manipulates my mum, nan and Dad and I find it very hard to watch

I had eating disorders as a teen and moved out at 17 when things got too abusive with sister at home

As a result even though I was gifted and at a government assisted place at a public school I basically dropped out and have had no career, admin jobs on and off but my cv looks crap. I've also been a childminder and run my own craft business but it doesn't make anything.

I am now part way through an OU degree and feeling good but struggling with all my relationships. I'm worried that my underlying sadness is affecting my partner and Dd (6).

We are in a financially precarious situations as dh is trying to set up on his own. I feel resentful towards him as he doesn't seem to be able to prioritise, get up in the mornings etc: it's such hard work to make him see he needs to get moving. I'm trying to look for jobs but my cv is so all over the place I am finding it hard to stay positive.

We are also in the process of trying to figure out it dh has ADSD - he needs so much help organising, is very touchy, constantly fidgeting and talking to me and making noise, whistling, tapping etc. If he gets a diagnosis I may find it easier but I'm struggling at the moment.

I'm posting as I just shouted at Dd as she couldn't find a top and we were in a rush to leave - she got undressed when she was perfectly well dressed before and it pushed a button. It was not ok and I apologised.

I suspect GAD and possible depression

I'm a naturally quiet introvert and I feel like I need a cave to reboot in. I'm on the edge.

I'm all over the place and don't know who to turn to. My family dynamic with my mum, sister etc is affecting me the most and I wonder if anyone knows who I can talk to

I suggest going to your GP and asking for a referal for some councelling or cbt to help you get through this. ADs may also be something to discuss with your GP. In some areas you can self refer to iapt which is talking therapies, in others areas you need your GP to refer. Your GP is a good place to start though.

Thank you, that's a good idea. I didn't know whether to go down the gp route or just try and book something myself. I'll book an appointment and see what happens.

I have done an OU Degree and it is hard work, so well done for persevering - in many ways it is harder than a bricks and mortar uni course.

Firstly; your family have their problems and you cannot fix them, so stop trying. Your self-pitying sister has already driven you out of the parental nest, do not let her sabotage your future. If that means going LC then so be it, they are not helping you and you need to be ruthless - this is for your DD's benefit as well as yours and DH's.

Secondly; do you have peace and quiet to study? A fidgeting, tapping, whistling DH would have made me homicidal. If you cannot get the space at home then ask for access to the nearest uni library IT facilities. I was a chronic insomniac and sometimes went in at 4am to log in to the internet, I usually had the place to myself.

GAD sucks, if you are on meds take them, if not, ask your GP. As Nolonger says, a lot of Health Trusts have talking therapies which you can self-refer to. There is a waiting list but you will be seen eventually and it may make you feel a bit better to know that help is in the pipeline.