Narcissistic Personality Disorder

[Lauralou69]

If NPD is a mental disorder, how far can we hold people responsible for their behaviour?

Personally I don't think it matters, you have to look after yourself and if someone is treating you in a way that makes you feel shit then you have to leave them behind.

I have boarderline personality disorder. It explains a lot of my feelings and reactions to situations but it does not control me.

I have learnt social norms and, as hard as it often is, I behave in a very typical way. It takes a huge amount of battling with myself over my initial reactions to things but I cope very well.

My pd is 'high functioning' because I have developed coping mechanisms, it's still bloody hard work.

I think pds are an exolsination but not an excuse. You can always learn to not behave in a certain way. I guess it's slightly different with npd as you're less likely to have that sort of insight but still...I think people are still ultimately responsible for their behaviour

Part of NPD is gas lighting....my ex did it to me many times and it's a terrible thing to do to anyone.....in fact to put someone else's mind in chaos seems positively evil! But just how much do they know they are doing it??

I think it depends whose behaviour you are trying to justify. If it's a child or teenager then it would be different to a grown adult. t I believe my ex DH has NPD - and I made allowances for years. Now, I'm of the opinion that he should be judged on a level with other people. Expectations shouldn't be lowered because of their behaviour

That's interesting Linalaaamont, because for other mental health conditions such as depression or schizophrenia people generally do make exceptions. NPD is one disorder that doesn't invite much sympathy.

For most conditions you are still held responsible for your actions if they impact other people. E.g. If you kill someone whilst psychotic you're still going to prison. Or if you neglect your kids through depression they will still be taken away.

People with NPD often know that they are manipulating people, but don't care. If it's been pointed out to a person that what they are doing is wrong, and the impact it has on people, but they continue to do it anyway then it can't be excused.

When I had PND it was pointed out that some of my behaviour could have an impact on my son, so I changed my behaviour. So in that case I'd say before it's pointed out- kind of excusable due to illness, after it's pointed out- no way.

So if the concept of gaslighting has been explained to ex, and the fact he does it, and he continues to do that- it's absolutely inexcusable under any circumstances. In my opinion.

lauraloo66 my ex's NPD manifested itself in a way that he expected special treatment , and his ego to be massaged at all times.
He parked in disabled spaces, the teachers' car park, expected to be seen first at the dr, thought he knew better than everyone else, turned up unapologetically late when it suited him, and was completely unable to compromise. He only likes people who hang on his every word.
There came a point when I could only cope if I lowered my eexpectations of him. I was basically a single parent.

I think that - as with many other disorders - it depends largely on whether or not they're seeking/accepting help with their MH problems.

Narcissists rarely seem to do this and would rather assume the problems all lie with everyone else.

With mine I couldn't wash up properly, my son couldn't wash up properly, he would 'jokingly ' tell our daughter that only the 'genes' from him mattered and her other genes were inferior. He would lie and talk to other women online all the time but I was the crazy one! He knows more than Dr's, mental health professionals, alcohol professionals and was going to write a paper that would prove that humans are herbivores and not omnivores.......he's a twat, mentally ill or not.