Depression from childhood, thinking about anti-depressants.

[whatcanyoudo]

Been depressed for far too long. I was severely depressed as a child/teenager due to sexual/emotional abuse so I don't even know what normal would feel like. I was properly suicidal by 11. I'm much better since having my son but I've never shook the feeling. Day to day I'm ok now but I still have odd moments of suicidal thoughts. I mostly feel angry/resentful. At everyone. Why did no one notice and once I finally told someone why didn't I get more support. I was just a kid so I can't help but blame everyone else. I know I would have had a decent life otherwise. I'm starting uni next month so am trying to make positive changes.

I know I might be offered counselling too but I doubt it would be many sessions? So only other option is anti-depressants.

This might sound weird but I'm terrified of them not having any effect/making me worse. I have family members who are on/have been on them and they don't seem happy at all. Once I take them, there's nothing more I can do and if I still feel like shit, then what? Hope that makes sense.

I'm really sorry to hear what happened to you whatcanyoudo. My anxiety disorder definitely started in childhood and nobody took it seriously. Don't blame my parents as they didn't know what to do with me but it always saddens me to think how children have no voice in these situations.

AD's may make you feel a bit worse in the settling period, which can be anything from a few days to a couple of weeks, or not at all. But they're not likely to make you worse in the long term. And there are many, many different ADs out there, it's not one size fits all.

I think it would be worth discussing counselling with your GP - you might be in an area where waiting lists aren't too bad or you might not. But if you can afford to go private it doesn't need to be extortionate. I had a private counsellor for £25 a week for 8 months. Recently I've gone into counselling again with a specialist ante natal service (32 weeks pregnant) for £40 a week (lower for folk who earn less). I think what you could use is specifically trauma focused counselling, even EMDR, which is meant to be very effective. I'm thinking of that after baby is born. But basically, if at first you don't succeed, there are many different options out there.

Thanks Agent that's really helpful. I didn't realise you could get counselling cheaply, will definitely have to look into that. Will also look into EMDR.

First step to make an appointment with GP. Gah, I don't know why I find this so hard!

Congratulations on your pregnancy

You find it hard because it is hard Don't beat yourself up. But just let yourself take small steps and know you're going in the right direction.