Ashamed of my self harm scars :(

[user1485788422]

Hi all :) Where to begin!? After having my youngest child a year ago I got severe post natal depression. So much so that I began to self harm. Although I'm over it now and so much happier and healthier I'm left with gruesome red and purple scars that cover my thigh! All the way from my hip bone down to my knee! Because of this I feel I'm unable to 'bare all' in a bikini or swimsuit. I haven't taken my children swimming in a year because I'm too ashamed! My husbands booked us a couples holiday for next week and I'm stumped at what I can wear to the beach and in the pool! Any help would be appreciated :)

Hi,

Glad to hear you are now feeling better. I self harmed when I was 18 and have scars on my arms and thighs. For years and years I always covered up. Last year I had a really bad allergic reaction and my skin was red raw for weeks on end. I couldn't stand having a cardi on so in the end bit the bullet and didn't wear a cardi at work. However I am several years down the line so they are not that red any more but a few are definitely a bit keloid and stick up quite a bit.
I was so self conscious of mine previously I felt like I might not want to get married just so I didn't have to show my arms. In the end I bought some make up which I managed to use quite well although was panicked someone would brush against me and rub it off. I have always been more concerned about my family seeing and not strangers IYSWIM. I am off on holiday in a couple of weeks and will wear a swimming costume and even sunbathe in my cossie but it has taken me 11 years to get to this stage. Maybe a sarong for legs and then a towel round your shoulders for walking to/from the pool and then brave it in the pool. Or you could wear a Tshirt and shorts in the pool. I wore a Tshirt swimming for many years because of the scars.

People rave about bio oil, and I have a boots serum which has brilliant reviews for fading scars although I don't use it often enough to verify this

I had lots of white line scars on my arms from SH. If anyone asked I said it was down to a car crash and the broken glass from trying to escape through a window. This did actually happen but wasn't the cause of the scars.

Ime people won't ask and won't automatically assume self harm. Most people are so wrapped up in themselves they don't notice things like that anyway

There was a thread a while ago about someone with SH scars joining the medical profession, and whether people would be bothered by it. Almost everyone said even if they put it down to SH it wouldn't bother them and they would hope you are okay now. General consensus was that you had been through a bad time and come out stronger and they respected you for it. I hope that at least makes you feel a bit better!

Well done for getting through it and I'm glad you're in a better place now

Maybe a sarong or casual maxi dress for walking around to the pool/beach. ASOS have a lot in the sale at the moment. There are some nice knee length kaftans around too. And some that are sort of open fronted but cover quite a bit so maybe if you were paddling in the sea or sitting on the edge of the pool with a book you could still wear it and not feel like you're wearing too much. I'll try and find a pic of what I mean.

Have you ever tried fake tan? Maybe a bit of that- I know I feel like it's covers my blotches and stretch marks.

Enjoy your trip. It sounds like you deserve it.

This is the kind of style I mean.

I feel your pain, I always cover mines. My husband & son is probably the only person who sees all. They are all older than 6 years but they are terrible, purple raise, indents. They make me feel so self conscious, the only time I don't is when I'm on holiday. Nobody noticed if they did they didn't mention it. They are people you'll never see again, and nobody should hold strong opinions about things they can't understand ❤️.

Have a look at the Swimming Without Stress online shop. They do two piece swimming suits that cover like pedal pushers

Thank you for all the advice ladies :) I feel a lot less in the dark about it now :) think I'm gunna go with a loose maxi dress and if I want to go for a swim just whip it off quick and cannon ball

I know exactly what you mean as I feel the same about my scars My self-harm scars cover my legs and arms entirely, they can't be covered by any swimwear so I have had to just become okay with showing them when on holiday - it's always daunting to show them at first but it does then get easier.

I do wear long board shorts (eg: like these or these) - you can swim in them and they cover the whole top leg so from your post it sounds like they would cover most or all of your self-harm scars. You can also find swimsuits with attached shorts (like this although they are much shorter so if your scars go to knee they may not cover all. Otherwise wearing a sarong as previous posters have suggested is a good idea and just remove when you get into the water - your scars won't be obvious underwater.

Also, as hard as I know it is I would advise trying to just show your scars - you won't know anybody there and most people will be too concerned about their own bodies to care about yours. If people do notice they may not immediately equate them to self-harm and even if they do, most won't care. They're not something one should be made to feel ashamed of - they are a mark of an illness just as scars from surgery or a car accident etc would be - if people are going to judge you based on them then it is really their problem and not yours.