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I don't think i can go on

25 replies

depressedanddown · 20/08/2017 13:25

I feel like just walking out the door and jumping infront of a bus .
dh left me 4 weeks ago for another woman I have struggled with the 3 kids and finances since then .
he sees them when he feels like it .
I have no friends no family and no one at all to talk to.
I can't cope with the kids everything is getting on top of me and i can't function I haven't ate or slept properly in weeks . I never wanted to be in this situation

OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer · 20/08/2017 13:43

Sorry to hear that you are having such a tough time. If you feel that you can't keep yourself safe go to A&E and they will help you stay safe and get you an assessment from the mental health team. In some areas you can self refer to crisis team the number should be available online or through your local hospital switchboard. There is also samaritans 116 123 or email [email protected].

If the need is less immediate then get an urgent GP appointment on Monday. I have felt the way you di and it is truly awful, but it will pass and you will get through this.

depressedanddown · 20/08/2017 14:13

I would go to a&e but I have no one at all to look after the kids . I have no food in but the idea of going out to get it is killing me . how can I be a decent parent too them then when I can't even function .
I just want the pain to stop I just want to feel normal again . I have phoned Samaritans a few times but it hasn't really helped I end up crying so much I can't communicate.

OP posts:
Belindaboom · 20/08/2017 14:15

Ok practically, get an emergency appointment with gp. Get an Asda food delivery even if it's just shit your kids want to eat. Id be telling him he's taking them for a week so you can get on top of things.

chips4teaplease · 20/08/2017 14:15

Tell us. Open a thread on Relationships and get it all out. So many of us have been through this.

In the short term, do you have anything at all you and the children could eat? Bread? Porridge? That will keep you going for a short while.

GoldenOrb · 20/08/2017 14:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

depressedanddown · 20/08/2017 14:25

i don't even have money to get food. since he left I have had to claim benefits and I'm still waiting on them starting. I have applied for a crisis grant and had it rejected I honestly don't know what to do everything is a struggle.
the youngest is still breastfeeding and he has no interest in them he went first 3 weeks without seeing them. and since then it's been an hour here and there when he feels like it .
there is bread but no butter there is probably random freezer food I can make them for dinner though , I won't let them starve. I just don't feel strong enough to do this I know I have too but I'm really struggling .
I have begged him to look after them for a few hours so I can get away but he won't and he won't drop food off or loan me money .

school again tommorow and I have no food for pack lunch I have to walk 25 mins each way 4 times tommorow with the kids , eldest has autism and hates school so not a pleasant journey . middle child is back at nursery next week so then it will be 6 journeys a day .
it's overwhelming dh used to do school drop off and collection . last week was hell how am I meant to do this every single day

OP posts:
Allthelightsgoout · 20/08/2017 14:25

Everything you're feeling is pretty much a normal reaction given what you're going through. Keep talking here. Posters will help.

PurpleDaisies · 20/08/2017 14:29

Life sounds really tough for you at the moment. Flowers

Can you get you your gp tomorrow? They're often very good at finding someone for amusing children in the corner while you talk about how you're feeling.

Belindaboom · 20/08/2017 14:37

Do your kids get FSM?

Gotanewusernamenow · 20/08/2017 14:38

I would definitely go to A& E..take your children with you.
They will have someone in place to watch your children because you aren't the first and you certainly won't be the last (unfortunately) to have to take your children with you. They will understand.. That is what they are there for.
They won't turn you away because you have your children with you.

Please go lovey!!

Belindaboom · 20/08/2017 14:38

Anyone at all who can lend you cash for meals do the kids get fed at school during the week? Or can you speak to school about it? Would take pressure off if you know they're getting a good meal during the day.

Sweetheart it will get better, you do need to see your GP though. I know the phone call to the surgery will be shit but write yourself a wee script (we can help) and power through.
Flowers

BewilderedBeaver · 20/08/2017 14:52

Sorry that you are going through this. You can and you will get through it. I think you need to tackle 1 thing at a time. Right here, right now, what is your priority. Have you got something for dinner for all of you today? Perhaps make that the first thing to sort. Forget everything else and just do that one thing. Once that's done you can think about what needs doing next but one thing at a time. One foot in front of the other and you will get there.

ActBraveNoonecantellEitherway · 20/08/2017 14:56

Wow he sounds absolutely vile, won't even give you any until your benefits have gone through! What a joke.

I was in this situation this time last year, it was vile, I know how you feel. My ex did give me money until my benefits were sorted but I couldn't afford the rent and just barely afforded the food shopping. I felt so depressed, didn't eat, and drank loads of cups of tea instead. I'd put dd infront of the tv and sit and cry in the kitchen. It has to be one of the shittest times of my life. I wanted him to come back but he refused.

Although it is so shit right now and nothing anyone can say will make you better, all I can say is things WILL get better. It won't be overnight and you'll feel like shit for a bit. Once your benefits are sorted things should get easier, take the kids out to the park or anything just get out of the house, fuck your ex you will meet someone better in time. Enjoy your kids and smile because there is so much to smile about!

Always have something to focus on, put the music on loud and declutter the house, decorate the bathroom, play hide and seek with the kids. Anything to get your mind of the situation.

I hated having no money and my ex loved the fact I was reliant on him, the beginning of this year I got myself a cheap laptop and webcam on my credit card (Don't bother judging me) and I started web camming on adultwork when dd would be in bed, I sit there in my bra typing and I earn more than enough money, I've took dd abroad twice this year, it has honestly saved me. I don't claim benefits anymore. If you can I'd give it a try, I don't know what I'd even want to do now career wise. A lot will judge my comment but I have been in this situation and it helped me out great deal.

Good luck and remember this horrifically shit time won't last forever!

depressedanddown · 20/08/2017 15:48

only eldest is at school . no free school meals though im sure i would be eligible now but with the autism she "has" to have the same lunch daily and she wouldn't be able to sit with her only friend (pack lunchers have a separate table ) .

I have sold everything I possibly can to survive the last month. I am behind with the rent and landlord is constantly phoning me .
I havent paid tv or broadband so those will no doubt be cut off soon.

I have no one to ask for help.
I get child benefit on Tuesday which hopefully will go in but the £45 won't stretch far .

Ex has been in fancy restaurants and on many nights out . he is living the high life while I struggle.

I had to sell my tula (baby carrier) to buy my daughter's uniform . I have nothing of any value left and it's her birthday in just over a week . I feel like such a failure Sad

OP posts:
depressedanddown · 20/08/2017 15:53

kids are having fish fingers waffles and beans for dinner not amazing but atleast its one less thing to worry about .

OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer · 20/08/2017 17:55

Definately get urgent GP appointment tomorrow and explain your financial situation too as GPs can refer to food banks. DH and I were pleasantly surprised with what we got from the foodbank in the past when we were in a desperate situation. Speak to the school too, they may have funds to help with uniform and meals (a friend on mine has been given food vouchers from her sons primary school in the past when things have been desperate).

Tomorrow your priority needs to be getting the help you need, if the kids don't make it to school tomorrow or are late in nevermind so long as you get to the GP.

GeorgeTheHamster · 20/08/2017 18:04

Fish fingers waffles and beans is fine. Just deal with today. Leave tomorrow until tomorrow. You can get through this.

depressedanddown · 20/08/2017 20:37

my gp isn't great I worry the will just

OP posts:
depressedanddown · 20/08/2017 20:40

think I'm being a drama queen.
I should probably mention that I suffered a miscarriage just under 3 weeks ago and I had to do hospital visits etc with the kids I just want to protect them from everything . ex th never wanted another baby anyway and in his view it was nature's way of telling me I couldn't cope. he refused to be there for the kids I had to do everything for them it was very early but I'm still coming to terms with it . this last month had been hell.

OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer · 20/08/2017 20:54

If your GP isn't great can you see another GP at the practice. If you are asking for an urgent appointment it may well be a different GP you see anyway, at our practice they take it in turns to do the urgent appointments.

You have every right to grieve for your baby, an early loss is still a loss. Your ex sounds like a dick to be honest.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 20/08/2017 21:05

Where in the country are you OP?

depressedanddown · 20/08/2017 22:04

NolongerAnxiousCarer thanks I will ask for another dr though it's a tiny practice (3 drs).

I feel guilty about grieving when I found out my first thoughts where of abortion due to circumstances so I feel guilty about crying over it now iykwim.
FinallyDecidedOnUserName I'm in central Scotland

OP posts:
NolongerAnxiousCarer · 20/08/2017 22:39

Theres nothing to feel guilty about, you still have every right to grieve. Hope you get an appointment with a helpful GP.

FinallyDecidedOnUserName · 20/08/2017 22:42

OP - please ask for help.

www.penumbra.org.uk/services/
www.samh.org.uk/about-us/our-work
www.children1st.org.uk
capuk.org/i-want-help/our-services/cap-debt-help/help-in-scotland
www.trusselltrust.org

And please ask your GP for help.

Thinking of you x

BewilderedBeaver · 21/08/2017 13:29

How are you today OP? Have you managed to get in at the gp?

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