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Mental health

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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

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Original poster

i cant live with the guilt

12 replies

happyfrown · 19/08/2017 18:34

my 2 older ds's went to live with their dad on tues. im toxic to them, nothing but a miserable angry mess. I wanted better for them.
I feel like I don't deserve to be alive with what ive done.

OP posts:

PinkGlitter17 · 20/08/2017 00:32

NotUriGeller · 20/08/2017 00:39

I'm sorry you feel so bad OP. Would it help to talk more about how you are feeling? Even from your OP it comes across that you really love your DC. I'm sure they know that.

FastWindow · 20/08/2017 00:40

What have you done?

Original poster

happyfrown · 20/08/2017 09:20

i don't deserve flowers. the guilt will kill me in the end. don't know why i posted. guess i was trying to distract my mind.

OP posts:

MNHQ

RebeccaMumsnet · 20/08/2017 09:23

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

NotUriGeller · 20/08/2017 22:33

We are here if you want to talk OP

Original poster

happyfrown · 21/08/2017 12:46

no one is going to want to talk to me.

I just remember being so unhappy growing up in the same way. when I was taken into care for a few months its was awful and going home was just as scary. but as an adult I now wish they had never put me back with my mum. Im not sure if it would have made me a different person.

I don't want to damage them too. they have no fun with me, im either miserable or angry.

OP posts:

NotUriGeller · 21/08/2017 20:05

It sounds like you've had quite a tough time. Is there someone to support you IRL? Maybe to have a chat to about how you're feeling?

Original poster

happyfrown · 21/08/2017 20:57

i have no family, my friend has 2 boys and at the moment ive been keeping my distance. i cant face anyone just need some head space. time? i don't think i will ever get over whats happened.

OP posts:

NotUriGeller · 21/08/2017 21:04

Give yourself time if it's what you need. Sometimes time and space is helpful. If you do want to reach out to your friend though they may be able to support you. Be as kind to yourself as you can.

ImperialBlether · 21/08/2017 21:29

Do your older sons love their dad? Will he take good care of them?

Do you have younger children who are still with you?

Original poster

happyfrown · 21/08/2017 21:58

yes he is a good dad. if they weren't better off they wouldn't have left me.

i have a DD who has a different dad. she would be worse off living with him. my dcs aren't neglected by me, they are clean, feed, have their needs met. i just have mental health problems that i struggle daily to cope with.

OP posts:

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