Hi everyone
Iv recently been diagnosed with bpd (emotional instability disorder I think it is called ) . I have a cpn and a consultant phychiatrist who are all brilliant . It's a long long story but massive issues with my inlaws and it's really affecting my mental health . I tried to kill myself 10 weeks ago and was sectioned for 3 days . It was the worst 3 days of my life as there were some very very poorly women on the ward at the time . I was terrified . Anyways I'm not on any medication as yet but my phyvhiatrist wants to start me on quetiapine so I am awaiting my ecg and blood test to be able to start this med. I feel so so shit and have zero energy . I don't want to leave the house and can barely be bothered to get showered . All I want to do is mumsnet or watch programmes on my phone to pass the hours till it's bedtime . I have 4 dcs who are wonderful . We are a farming family and the two older ones are out and about all day on the farm . The younger two depend on me to take them outside around the animals etc . I do potter and help when needed but I get no enjoyment and feel like I'm walking through thick mud doing the simplest of tasks . I just feel so so low . My cpn is out to see me at home this coming Thursday . I may ask her if I can go back onto sertreline to try and lift my mood but I know it's no quick fix and takes time to work . I just want to feel a bit brighter in myself and enjoy the things I used to. I am a shadow of the women I once was . All the family issues are really taking over my mind and I need to learn to deal with it all before I will get better . It's so complicated though as my inlaws are very very stubborn and have narcissistic personalities and refuse to acknowledge any of their bad behaviours . Dh has tried to tell them they need to apologise to me and the children but they point blank refuse and say they have done no wrong . They also don't believe in mental illness and think I'm using it as an excuse or to get sympathy ?? I wish to god it was that simple . The problem we have is that dh has to work with them daily as it's a family business and his inheritance . If he dares to go against there word he has his inheritance threatened . I know my dh fully supports me and my cpn also says he is stuck in the middle . It's not a black and white case of him telling his family to stick their inheritance and walk away . Our whole livelihood and children's future is tied up In the farm. I am prepared to let bygones be bygones but they point blank refuse . It's all one huge mess and I'm sorry I can't explain much more . I don't want to be outed and my story is very outing . Anyways will I ever be able to be happy again ??? I can't see that I will right now