I don't mean that in a self-absorbed way.
I mean it in a genuinely despairing, utterly hopeless way. Mental health professionals, neurologists, GPs, my family, even close friends, don't understand what it is like not to be in control of my body (I have tardive dyskinesia that causes involuntary facial movements and other 'tic-like' movements).
I am applying for work at the moment and can't imagine having to go to job interviews without twitching and looking odd. Even if I do get the job, when I eventually probably tell people about it I wonder if it will affect my job prospects.
My DM is helping me out financially and says I should just 'get on with it' and apply for everything. I never tell her how much my movement disorder affects my self-esteem, and even if I did, she would just say that no-one would notice and I am worrying too much.
I feel obligated to do as much as possible as she is helping me, and yet I feel so anxious and despairing every day that I am already getting myself in a state about it. Having a movement disorder makes me feel so isolated and alone, and nothing anyone can do will fix it. I am mentally more than capable and intelligent enough to do a job, yet I am so scared my worst fears will come true and I will have to work in a public- facing role or office with people who truly don't understand and just think I'm odd. I can imagine the stigma of mental health conditions extends to movement disorders and syndromes like Tourette's and it is scary to think I will possibly have to face this.
Please help, I am just feeling so sad and alone.