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Mental health

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Original poster

Really Lost & Quickly Slipping Under

16 replies

Darkthoughts · 28/03/2007 21:56

My life is crashing round about my ears & I can not stop it. Am having these awful thoughts about ending it all. Each night I go to bed & pray that I do not wake up, when I am driving my car I think what would happen if I drove it into a wall or into that big lorry. Have found myself standing on bridges looking at the cars and the trains and thinking "Shall I"
The only thing that stops me is my children then I think that they would be better off without me. Am a single mother who is in debt to the tune of £6000 not because of buying silly things but by trying to pay bills, feed and cloth us. Every day I am robbing peter to pay paul. I have even thought about escort work to try and pull us out of this mess. Have no family (well ones that care anyway) and no real friends to speak of. Loneliness is killing me. Am so down all the time and I know that my babies can see this and wondering whats going on.
I hate myself so much for not being able to get us out of this mess, have no qualifications and I am not academically bright. Due to this I was badly bullied for the first 18 years of my life. I dont know what I hope to gain by telling this here I just hope someone will understand and not think I am a bad mother for felling like this, cos I do love my babies so very very much.

Please can anyone out there help me before I go under. Please

OP posts:

mummytosteven · 28/03/2007 22:05

Children are never better off without a loving mother. You sound depressed. Which may be solely about the money worries or may have deeper roots. You need to see your GP about the depression, and see/phone somebody to help you with the money - CAB and/or CCCS service. Motley Fool IIRC website and Moneysavingexpertwebsite have bulletin boards full of people resolving their debts where you can get useful advice and not feel alone.

lucy5 · 28/03/2007 22:05

Just bumping for you, no real words of advice. have you seen a doctor, have you spoken to anyone like the samaritans?
You are not a bad mother you are depressed.

lulumama · 28/03/2007 22:08

call samaritans if you are feeling really low right now samaritans....

also, they can probably advise re debt counselling . if not, the local CAB can help you . there are things to do, before you consider escort work, like seeking debt management help, where your creditors are contacted and a smaller payment is negotiated.

your children need you, and they need you to be well. see your gp or hv, they can help.

are you in touch with home start or sure start? they can help too in many ways

are you claiming all the benefits and tax credits you are entitled to?

there is help there, you just need to take a step to ask

heya123 · 28/03/2007 22:28

hey no real advice re the debt, just to say that you are not a bad mum, you are depressed.
whatever you do try your very best to stay strong for your babies, they need there mum more than anything else in the world and with there love and the help of proffessionals you will get through this.
and also just to let you know that you are worth more than you think you are and the bullying you suffered must have been terrible but it is in the past and you need to look to the future now with your children. x

linjasmom · 29/03/2007 12:05

How are you today??

PavlovtheCat · 29/03/2007 12:09

I am sorry I cannot offer many words of advice, but just wanted to say, you are not a bad mother for going through personal issues, your children need you more than anyone else in the world. They always will. They will help you get through this.

{{{{{hugs}}}}}

Cloudhopper · 29/03/2007 12:11

Don't give up. One day you will look back on how you got through this.

How could anyone cope with crippling debts like this and survive alone? This is not your fault. You must get debt advice urgently. More often than not, you can get all the debts either put on hold or written off, and once that huge weight is off your shoulders you will be able to live again.

You must also go to the doctors and get treatment for feeling so depressed. It is a really really tough time for mothers, even those with huge amounts of support. It is even harder when you have loneliness to contend with. But there is hope. It isn't you at fault - anyone in the same situation would feel the same.

You are not alone, you are not unusual in feeling like this, but there is light at the end of the tunnel. I would start with the GP and the CAB and work your way slowly from there.

Original poster

Darkthoughts · 29/03/2007 20:39

linjasmom,feel weird actually.

Rather embarrased if the truth be known, was really down and spent a lot of time crying over the whole sorry mess last night.

OP posts:

Original poster

Darkthoughts · 29/03/2007 20:54

Some days are real good and I think that I can do this then the reality of it all hits me and thats when, well you all know the rest.

I just get so angry with myself for being so useless and not being able to provide properly for my children.

OP posts:

monika11 · 29/03/2007 21:04

i am a single mum and feel alone mostly, and have difficulties like you have.
no family, real friends around.
i was thinking of registering to gingerbread, maybe you can try too.
as other people said after hopefully solving your debt problem you will feel better.
but at the moment arent there anything in your life that can make you feel happy?
such as being healthy: many people have health problems. you have healthy children dont you? a roof above you, i think you can find more if you think.
hugs and XXXXX

dandasmummy · 29/03/2007 21:10

Darkthoughts, sorry to hear you're having such a tough time. Try not to be so hard on yourself about things.
{{{{hugs}}}}

heya123 · 29/03/2007 21:21

hey, just popping in to see how you are feeling??
you can get through this i promise, it will take a lot of determination and courage but you can get there, just focus on the positive in your life like monika said, your amazing children, the roof over your heads and your good health, and anything else as a bonus!
i know the debts must be so hard to sort but get some help and it will pay off eventually, when you lay in bed at night try not to think of the money, imagine things like your childrens births, their first smiles, first words, any great holidays ect....
and when you wake up in the morning say to yourself, ok i will have a good day today, i will have a great time with my children and i will take a step toward resolving my debts and maybe join a group to make new friends?
i promise you if you think positive you can make yourself feel better, has always worked for me if i start to feel down!

Pinkballoon · 29/03/2007 21:34

Darkthoughts
Sorry to hear about how you are feeling.

Try and seize the initiative with the debts and see if you are able in any way to start paying them off (however small the amounts you pay to do this) - you may then start to feel that you are making some progress. Definitely plague the Tax Credits and Benefits people to see if there is any extra money that you may be entitled to.

Talk to the Samaritans and try and organise some counselling through your GP or HV as well. You are under an enormous amount of pressure and it is understandable if you feel unable to cope at times. However, there are people who are professionally trained to help get you through this.

In terms of your education, see if there are any courses that you can enrol on at your local college (which often have creches). I know a few women in my area who do this and speak very highly of these colleges and how they cater for single parents. You may also be able to start to build a network of friends and acquaintances from this.

I hope this helps. And remember that your kids love you to bits!

linjasmom · 29/03/2007 23:10

just popping in to wish you well, the most important thing for your dc is that you are there for them, bear that in mind, please! I know that financial difficulties can be a desaster, but dc and health are far more important. Sounds like a cliché, but that's what I think. Take care and talk to us whenever you need it!! XX

mrsmcv · 29/03/2007 23:34

hello darkthoughts, hope you're ok. Just got Homestart volunteer myself, it was really easy. Just rang number in phone book and referred myself. They visited and then came back with a volunteer who comes once a week for two or three hours. She's great, not pushy or anything, it's a life saver.

I bet you're a great mum x

namelessforthis · 30/03/2007 02:34

I am going through something similar, darkthoughts. I know how awful it is.

I'm so sorry things are so tough for you at the moment. They will get better, I'm sure. I know it's really hard to see that now.

Please be kind to yourself.

If you need someone to talk to offline, you can email me namelessagain at gmail dot com

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