Some friends invited me out tonight. I live in a village, and as we're all mums, the chance to all be free to meet up doesn't come along very often.
I told H I would be going out tonight, then took my toddler to bed and settled him (which took ages). By now it was getting late, but I could have gone out for an hour and a half. But I just felt this sudden confidence-crash, felt uncomfortable about walking into the pub when they were all there already, and felt like I'd have nothing to talk about or interest people in.
It was weird, like I knew my anxiety was playing tricks on me, and that I could choose to kick it's arse and just go out, ffs, but I felt quite strongly that it was almost like a physical entity that was exerting some control over what I did.
Just wanted to vent. I feel really strange.