Lonely and isolated

[user1483981877]

Hi all,
I have started taking antidepressants recently after a series of events in my life (that I take full responsibility for, I have made terrible choices) have caused depression and anxiety and I have realised recently that I can't connect with people and don't have any friends, just acquaintances who seem to feel sorry for me, I have no job, I just spend all my time with my kids and my husband in the evenings and at weekends. I don't know how to move forward out of this space, wherever I turn I seem to find more people who think I am odd and reject me (or I run away before any rejection can occur). So now I am wondering if I am just an oddball who will never fit in, and my kids, by association, will be the same. My husband keeps saying I should do some volunteer work but I have no confidence, I'm on the floor right now. I am having counselling but I just keep feeling worse and worse. I don't know if this is some kind of midlife crisis/self realisation, but it's terribly, terribly painful at the moment. Help!

So sorry to hear about your rough patch. Have you always found socialising difficult or is it since your recent unfortunate events?

I find that sometimes it can be a downward spiral - feeling awkward so acting awkward leading to feeling more awkward etc.

Volunteering could be a good thing - shared goals without the pressure of just socialising.

I hope things improve x

Sorry to hear you having such a rotten time OP. I know it's tough when you feel like you have no confidence but you don't have to do volunteer work that is full on meeting people, there will be other more 'background' things out there. Perhaps do an online search or look at the volunteer section on MN. Once you start feeling that you have something a bit differennt, and positive, it could be a big boost for you. Good luck.

Thank you, I really only have myself to blame for the spiral of events but the level of depression and anxiety has been awful. I know I need to get back out there, just feeling guilty about making such a mess of things.

Guilt is an awful thing to carry around. Try to face each day as a new beginning. Dont let what happened yesterday affect how you feel tomorrow ❤️

Hi user , sorry to hear you're feeling so low.
I don't think anyone can make new friends easily when they are in the middle of emotional turmoil, have unresolved issues from the past, feel guilty etc. that's absolutely normal everyone would feel the same. You will make friends when you are ready.
I think the best way to start to reconnect to like minded people is to find an activity that you might enjoy, and join a group, for example a book club, or gentle dance class, or yoga, something with a community feel, and start slowly, accepting it's hard while you are in such an unhappy place.
I'm sure counselling will help, but sometimes it can make you feel worse especially at first or if you discuss distressing things. It sounds like you are in a really sad place right now, and therefore it should all be upwards from here, it just might take a little time.
If you feel like it, pop over to the anxiety journey thread we'll be happy to see you there :)