Sick of anxiety and the constant "what ifs". Can anyone join me?

[Tarragona]

Excuse my rambling. Just feel the need to talk.
Its probably been posted hundreds of times before but I'm in need of support. I hide things so that nobody in real life would guess just how much I suffer with anxiety and how it affects my life. Dh knows, but even he probably doesn't know how all consuming it can be, coz I've had it for such a long time. I think I've worn him down over the years and he just tells me to go to the docs for medication. He's not being awful but doesn't know how to help me. DM knows I stress about things but again I hide it from her as I don't want her to worry about me.

I think I need therapy but can't bring myself to arrange it. I feel I should be able to sort myself out as I've got a good life and "what have I got to worry about?". I'm ashamed to be like this when I've got no real problems.

I read someone else saying on here that they have to justify being anxious so they attach it to something, be it a health symptom or an event in life. That is so me. I can't just be uneasy. I have to have a reason for this so it must be attached to something. Then I am allowed to be anxious? I totally relate to that idea.

I am sick of thinking that things will go wrong. What if this happens, then this will happen etc etc. I'm not scared to go out and do stuff or anything but every so often I just go off on one. Then I can think of nothing else. I can say that 99% of my major worries in the past never happened. I worry about something excessively then when this thing is resolved, I calm down and it's back to normal till the next thing. I do have lengthy periods when I am ok but then something happens and sets me off. I may have inherited this from my dad. I never saw him as being anxious but he was very cautious, worked and liked to stay in his little bubble at home, never venturing far or taking any risks.

I've had telephone cbt before. That's about all I could handle as it was kind of anonymous. I was no good though. The "therapist" was just reading off a script and it was a box ticking excercise and I wasn't honest and in the end I was just telling her what she wanted to hear. I was pretty clued up on the subject as well so there was nothing there that I didn't already know.

Really what is the point of worrying about things that might never happen. It's such a waste.

Thanks for reading if you got this far. Hope some others can understand and relate.

I see excessive anxiety, that beyond normal range - which everyone has, as a medical issue. Very high anxiety levels are a chemical imbalance. Medication can help. Have you ever considered it? Taking the edge off the anxiety to enable you to feel just a tiny bit more in control, can then help to access therapys and get to a better state of understanding and control.

Blaming yourself can become an anxiety in itself. The condition isn't your fault anymore than a physical disability would be. However, owning it is your responsibility. You need to make the brave moves, push yourself to the limits of your comfort zone to find positive ways forwards.

My DH has anxiety, used to be health anxiety which he had for 30 years but with CBT, medication and support he now owns his anxiety and whilst its still higher than average levels its closer to normal ranges (most of the time). DS1 is autistic and also has very high anxiety levels. For his anxiety we use routine where ever possible, timetable, research and plan our activities and minimise unexpected things. DS1 also has meds to help sleep as being tired exaserbates any mental health condition. This helps a lot.

I find that if I respond in an emotional way, positive or frustration led negative, to either DH or DS1 that this emotion actually feeds their anxiety. Maybe your DH has conciously or subconciously realised this too. Its not that I don't care, quite the opposite, its that if I support then it validates the anxiety. If i react negatively it makes them feel even worse (and me feel bad too).

No easy answer but baby steps forwards and seeingbyour GP for meds and or therapy,may be a really good first step.

I did a CBT group, through Wellbeing. I only did it because unless I did that first, they wouldn't give me individual counselling.
I never cease to be amazed at how much difference it's made to my life. Ridiculously simple techniques that have let me let go of loads of anxiety.
Don't like the idea of the group thing- don't worry, you don't have to open your mouth if you choose not to. And it can be very helpful, seeing a range of normal, likeable , keeping-it-together-on-the-surface people struggling with exactly the same thoughts and feelings.

Here in E.Anglia you can refer yourself to Wellbeing online- sorry I don't know if that is nationwide.

Have a go - you have no idea how great it feels to step out of the shadow of anxiety.

It's true that I seek reassurance and know that it only helps short term. But at the time it's so comforting. Sometimes in the past, when I have been stressing about something, Dh has said something to put things in perspective, I've felt relief and I've moved on from it. Thing is, I bottle things up inside till I explode into tears instead of talking about it, getting sensible advice and points of view and then being able to drop it. I've been like this on and off for so many years, Dh must be so frustrated with me, but rarely shows it so I don't want to "bother" him with things I know are stupid, but can't help being worried about.

I've been on meds in the past. Apart from gaining weight, they didn't really help. Therapy is most likely the best option. It's just finding the right one, and having the courage to admit I've got a problem and do something about it. By the time I had the last cbt, I was feeling fine and didn't engage with it as I didn't think I needed it perhaps.

It's a control thing too. If I can't control the outcome of something that is important to me, I'll worry about it.

Thanks btw Ripple and Dancing. It feels good just to get this out and have contact with others who understand.

Watching with interest. I'm much the same. The last 3 or 4 years it's been mostly centred around my kids. I'm currently in a bit of a state over my ds and his study abroad trip to the USA. Instead of thinking what a marvellous opportunity this is for him, I'm focusing on everything that might go wrong. What if he misses his connecting flight, what if, what if, what if...... all imaginable catastrophies. It's ridiculous, I know it is and I've got to stop this and get myself sorted out.
I've had cbt over the telephone too and it was rubbish. I'm thinking maybe a group thing would be better.

Thanks Purple. I have posted in other places before and seem to put people off with my long self analysing thoughts. I often think I'm the only one who is like this and feel really guilty as there are people out there with proper serious problems who really do have things to worry about. And they cope better than me. How dare I be this way!

No disrespect but in my case, because I am reluctant to take antidepressants ( tried and they didn't have much effect) I sometimes think that people don't think I want/deserve help because I won't help myself. I had someone comment on another forum that "there can't be anything wrong with you" or "if you were really suffering with anxiety you would take the meds". Not what you want to hear when you just want some support!

That's not nice Purple. Is it only us then? I feel like real oddball sometimes. I wish I could pluck up the courage to go to group therapy. I really just want to talk or listen 🙁