Such a bad mum

[LifeBeginsNow]

I'm such a bad mum. I've lost my patience today with my one year old. He's spent the last two days whining and I can only assume it's a growth spurt that food and sleep just aren't fixing.

I feel like I'm spiralling and can't cope. I've raised my voice a few times this evening and had to leave him in his bed crying as I just couldn't cope and felt like I might do something bad.

My poor baby fell flat out from crying which makes me feel awful. He's just woken again crying and I've tried to comfort him but it's clear I've upset him as he never normally struggles to sleep. What have I done? He's a just a baby and it's not his fault he's upset but I should be able to calm down.

I stopped taking my anti depressants (sertraline) this week and I'm guessing this has had a very negative impact on my ability to keep calm and reasoned.

Does anyone know when my mind will clear? I don't want to start taking them again as I'll have to come off them eventually. I just want to be my old self again.

You're not a bad mum. You haven't done anything wrong. Sounds like it's tough at the moment and walking away was right at that moment.
Did you wean off the pills very slowly and with medical supervision? You should!
Do you have any RL support?

Did you stop your sertraline with the help of your doctor? It can make people feel unsettled when doses change.

Do you have any support at home?

I was on 150mg and the doctor told me to drop a pill and after two weeks to drop another. I felt that was way too fast so I've done it a lot slower. I thought they'd want to be more involved but that seemed to be the only advice.

I've just been round to my mums crying on her shoulder. She's fantastic and so comforting. My husband has been pretty awful. I said I couldn't cope and he basically told me to get on with it. He's taken it upon himself to tidy the garage so he can sort out his gym equipment. Never mind me having a breakdown in the house!

I was struggling before he acted like a shit but I think he tipped me over the edge. He's not coped very well at any point of my problems (physical and mental).

You may need to seek better advice about the pills. I haven't been on that anti depressant. It took me months to come off citalopram.
He needs to step up. What could he usefully do to support you?

Oh you poor love I also have depression and am having a bad patch at the moment so I sympathise. It sounds to me like you need a proper break - can you get out for a few hours tomorrow daytime or evening if your mum or partner has your baby? I sometimes book an night in a hotel alone when I'm feeling really rough and it helps me to reset a bit.
You are not a bad mum, small children are bloody hard work even when you're feeling at your best!

And yes to a much much slower tapering of meds - or stay on them if you feel they help! I've been on mine for years now and coming off makes me relapse terribly, so I've accepted them as part of life now and honestly they really help.

You didn't do anything wrong you were at the end of your tether and put the baby safely in his cot it is ok to do that baby might just be off colour and no sootheing will soothe him atm. So your dh is being a shitty dad and partner sorry to hear that if is great you have your mum though.

I do need a break. I've found it so hard going back to work but not being anywhere physically fit. I still don't sleep through the night (me, not the baby causing that) and yet I'm expected to get on with it.

My OH had a bad sleep the other day and was in a right grump. I've not slept through the night for two years and am in nearly constant pain!

I'm not sure if I want to be with him anymore. He's so uncaring. I feel like a massive inconvenience and I don't feel like we are a team. I can't imagine treating someone the way he has been with me. I know it's hard for him but it's really no picnic for me.

I find myself daydreaming about how easier it would be on my own with my son. The house would be cosy and decorated (instead of him moaning it's not nice enough but not doing anything about it). We'd go for nice walks whereas at the moment it's an effort to go and do anything. I asked about stopping and having an ice cream yesterday and letting the baby play in this outside area but he didn't want to. What's the point?

Sorry for the long moan. It's all coming out now!