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Mental health

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Original poster

dh is depressed......I just don't know what to do

11 replies

talulla · 27/03/2007 11:45

DH and I have been together for nearly 10 years, we have a ds 11 months. Dh was made redundant just before ds was born, he retrained and is now driving for a living. I don't work at the minute, although I have been trying to find a job which fits in with dh hours, but they are so unpredictable it's difficult. Money is tight, we declared ourselves bankrupt in feb, which for me has eased the pressure, but it seems to have made dh worse. He can't talk anymore, we could go a whole eve without more than 5 mins of conversation, he says he's a failure because of the bankruptsy, he hates his job as he has to work long hours, he leaves at 530am and gets home on average at 730pm. but has to to earn enough money.plus just the nature of the job. He admitted to me he cries alot, I try and be supportive and look at the positive slant on things....but it just doesn't work. I just don't know how to handle him anymore. I love him to bits, but he is making my life so hard and I don't want to resent him. I have suggested he go to the docs, but he won't. I just don't know how to make things easier for him.....has anyone been thro anything similar and come out the other side? I just don't know which way to turn anymore.

OP posts:

GameGirly · 27/03/2007 11:49

I'm so, so sorry Talulla. I have no experience of anything like this but my heart goes out to both of you. Someone wiser than me will be along shortly to help you, I'm sure.

Marina · 27/03/2007 12:08

You both sound as if you have a lot to contend with right now talulla, I am not a bit surprised you are struggling tbh
I think you have got to get your dh to go to the GP though, really. If he is in such distress that he is breaking down in tears then he is putting his marriage and his job at risk.
You can help him by being supportive but you cannot fix this on your own. Please book him an appointment with the doctor, ask for a double slot, and if possible get someone to look after your ds so you can both attend.
I know from experience the toll depression can exert on even the most devoted partner. You have to stay well and on top of this for him if possible so make him seek professional help.

ImmiesMum · 27/03/2007 12:14

Talulla you poor thing.
I've got no experience of this but big hugs to you.
Marina's advice is very sensible and I'm sure you will get lots more help on here later.

Keep us posted

ImmiesMum · 27/03/2007 13:17

bump

calebsmum · 27/03/2007 15:07

I second Marina, book an appointment at the doctors and both of you go, if it's just your DH he might not be honest in front of the doctor and therefore not get the help he needs. Can your DH look for another job?? What about office work?? I know it's not brillant but at least the hours should be alot less. Speaking from the depressives side, your DH needs alot of reassurance that he's wanted and needed and that you love him, even if it's hard when he's not talking much.

Original poster

talulla · 27/03/2007 15:13

He's applied for a couple of other jobs, but no luck so far, which is just adding to the pressure. I'll never get him to the docs..........i might as well be asking him to go to the moon. I'll keep reassuing him...and trying to be positive.......but that is a tough one when you seem to be talking to a brick wall.
thankyou all for replying.

OP posts:

calebsmum · 27/03/2007 15:29

Could you try St Johns Wort?? He won't need to go to the doctors for it and it might help?? He really needs to see a doctor but I know how you feel as my DP also refused to go when depressed. Couldn't you apply for jobs for him?? Ask him what kind of work he's looking for and get a copy of his CV then as long as he agrees you could take that pressure off him?? Don't really know what else to say, I know it's hard but he really needs your support, even though it's hard on both of you and your both suffering.

Mossie · 27/03/2007 15:41

Talulla,

My dh suffered from clinical depression a few years ago now. It was a different situation than yours, we had only been together about two or three years and didn't have any kids, but I do know some of what you're going through.

I'm trying to find the right words to explain the situation I was in, I don't want to bore you with all the details.

All I will say for now is that it really hit rock bottom with us when dh (dp, then) attempted suicide Christmas 02. But it did get better. We came out the other side. We're now married and expecting our first baby any day now. We're pretty happy!

If you would like to chat, you can email me, msrlmoss @ hotmail . com (take the spaces out) I can't promise I will be great on advice, but I can sympathise / empathise with your situation.

vimfuego · 27/03/2007 16:00

Hello, a dad here. Two things likely to trigger a low spell in a bloke are i) losing your job ii) having a baby, and the major lifestyle/relationship changes that come with it.

Your chap has been hit with both at once. When the little ones come along a chap can feel sidelined and unsure as to his role in the whole thing. Without the ability to be the breadwinner, it could really have hit his pride hard.

I'm sure better times will be around the corner for you both.

ImmiesMum · 27/03/2007 19:53

I'm so glad you have had some good advice about his talulla.

Original poster

talulla · 27/03/2007 22:48

Only just had chance to get on computer to read replys. Thank you......mossie I will contact you when I have a bit more time without dh around....he'd be mortified if he knew I was on here discussing things, even if it's anon.

OP posts:

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