Coping Mechanisms

[RoutingForApproval]

I’ve posted here before but decided to name change as I don't want to out myself. I am looking for coping mechanisms to help me deal with difficult relationships with family / extended family.
Few years ago my DH and I went through a very rough patch, our families know about it to an extent but not the full details. I have been dealing with MH issues (depression and more) for 5 years now pretty much non-stop.
Throughout my relationship with my DH, I have felt unaccepted and unappreciated by his family (mine too but more on that on the Stately Homes thread). I do not know the reasons behind it, as from my side, I always felt I was a kind and loving partner to my DH. I don't know whether it is jealousy, prejudice (multiracial relationship) or just simply not liking me (whats not to like haha). As I am submissive and non-confrontational, I never responded to their comments and behaviour, which I now regret, perhaps I should have nipped it in the bud long time ago.
Recently I discovered that a member of his family has believed some ugly and untrue rumours about me and has since largely gone NC with me. This has upset me so much, although she has never been fully supportive of our relationship, I still expected more from her than to believe some nasty gossipmonger over believing – and knowing! - me.
Now, nearly 2 decades and 2 DCs later, I’ve decided enough is enough. I need to grow a backbone and on some level I guess, protect myself while I deal with my MH issues. I am fighting to become mentally strong enough to carry on living as I am regularly suicidal. The atmosphere doesn't feel healthy enough for that, it feels toxic.
Any advice on how to deal with this would be so appreciated. Do I equally go NC? Ignore, ignore, ignore? I don't deal with conflict well and I’m feeling so vulnerable.
Thank you.

I guess what I wanted to say is that I realise I have allowed other people to define my happiness and have a great impact on how I feel about myself and my relationship with my DH. For whatever reason, their disapproval has affected me over the years. Right now, this latest incident is too much, as I'm trying to recover. I wish I could stop caring whether they like me or not and I wish I could show it to them as they still seem to think that I should just bow down to them. I've had enough of them thinking that they have a say in how I feel about myself! How can I change, not only the way I deal with it myself but how I deal with conflict with them?

That sounds tough. Does your DH support you when his family are being difficult?

I am sometimes piggy in the middle with DH and my family who don't get on well, which can be exhausting, but I've made it clear to my family that DH comes first and if they make life difficult, its them I reduce contact with not him.

Afraid not much. It's taken him years to even admit that many of them don't accept/ like me, even though it is bloody blatant. When I talk to him about issues with his family (tend to only do when I'm in a breaking point, as I don't 'do' conflict), he seems to get pissed off with me. I've recently asked him to stand up for me, which he said he would, but we will see. I'm almost curious to see if he would. I would be the same as you with my family.
I grew up bullied, didn't feel loved / supported by my own family, never accepted by his family...It is affecting my mental health. I only really have my DH and DCs, which is of course more than I could dream of. I keep thinking going NC wouldn't be so bad...