Unfortunately there tends to be quite a long waiting list for CBT in most areas but there is a lot of work you can do yourself once you start to feel better. In the meantime, just go with it as much as you can. Don't try to fight the anxiety, it will just increase it. Time helps too, when these bad things don't actually happen, the fear of them will gradually lessen.
I was absolutely devastated when I relapsed. I think it came on so sudden I was actually in shock initially. My first severe depressive episode had a very definite trigger and was so horrendous I can only remember a few things from it, the rest is either blocked out of just gone. I never ever thought I would feel anything like that again, so this relapse shook me to the core. I felt properly suicidal, to just not have to feel that way anymore.
But for the second time now, sertraline has literally saved my life. I'm back at work, home life is good, I generally feel content and together.
We have to try to let go of feelings of failure regarding relapses and antidepressants. Our brains are just another organ in our bodies and taking antidepressants really is no different to taking thyroid tablets or statins, or insulin. Your personality will not change. Nothing bad will happen to your brain. Side effects go same as they do with other organ meds.
As far as I am concerned, I will not come off sertraline again. My brain appears to be predisposed to anxiety and depression. If there is a med I can take to keep me level, I will take it 