Anxiety about eating and bistros or cafes

[jimmylimmy]

Hi. Several things to explain first: I am socially anxious but fully functioning (I don't hide but I am a bit mad :)). So, my very odd question is serious, but may seem ridiculous, so if you have no experience of the panic that seemingly normal situations produce, please don't reply with "pull yourself together". I am a little bit on the asperger range, but not that you'd notice. Also, this is a UK based question. The USA and continent are much easier to deal with as their rules are clearer...
The problem: When I enter a cafe or bistro (in the UK), I am immediately confused by the lack of set rules regarding the following: Stand to wait to be seated near the front door, approach staff, or choose a table and sit down? This is very angst inducing. If the place is busy, then how do you know whether to wait for a table to pounce on, or ask a waiter for a table, or ask at the counter, or form a queue ?
Once that's done, is it ok to order several starters or does it have to be starter, main etc?
When to leave a tip? If it is not waitress service do I leave a tip? If it is waitress service, and they are fine, but haven't had to do very much do I still leave a tip, and to what value?
Finally, if I go to a restaurant/cafe where the owner is also the server, do I still leave a tip, or is that patronising?

Thanks

not a very common issue then? :)

I am exactly the same.

I have never even attempted a Nandos.

I suppose it's easier in small local places, where you can't be expected to just know.

So you walk in and say, 'hi, can we take any table?' and hopefully they'll brandish a menu, or tell to to come up and order when you're ready, or something.

I go to McDonald's a lot.

Breath ☺ if it is queue here queue there to be seated if you go in see a seat sit down when there is no Wait here sign , also leave a few £s tip it doesn't matter who serves you

My dds have to take me into Nandoos I can't cope

usually if there is a front 'desk' with a person on it, or a sign then wait to be seated. If not, just sit down. If it has a sign on the table saying 'reserved' sit elsewhere. If you're not sure whether to sit down/wait to be seated/where to order just ask a member of staff, as it's not always clear, and they're happy to tell you. It's ok to ask!

Usually if it's waitress service and you have a meal then 10-15% tip is the norm. It's not usually obligatory though. If I've had bad service (unusual) I've not tipped. If it's been brilliant and I've been in a position to afford it, I've tipped more. Some places add a 'service charge' automatically to your bill, usually this stated on the menu, in these cases I wouldn't tip. I wouldn't bother tipping for a coffee in a cafe unless something extraordinary had happened.

Oh if owner is also the server, it's definitely NOT patronising to tip. In many places tips are shared at the end of the night anyway e.g. Where I worked we pooled them and shared so cooks and kitchen staff benefitted too.

If there's a little stand near the door wait there to be seated.
These are usually in chain restaurants.
If there isn't one find a table yourself without a reserved label on it.
Pubs sometimes like you to order your meal at the bar. I look at the waiters to see if they are taking orders at the tables or I just ask a waiter if I'm unsure.
If it's a place where you seat yourself snd there's not a free table I don't tend to wait , I find another place to eat.
Tip only if the tip is not included on the bill. Go for about 10%. It's ok to not tip if you're not happy with the service.
Its ok to ask a member of staff if you seat yourself or how they take the order. They won't mind and I've often asked if unsure.