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Mental health

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Anxiety

2 replies

BeSeeingYou · 23/07/2017 21:59

I have life-long issues of anxiety, feeling or knowing how to feel real around my mother.
Over the years she has phoned or written to my doctor, social services, my childrens school and my therapists to tell them that I am not normal and that there is something wrong with me.

In May this year my mother posted on facebook that my father had died and that same Friday a friend of mine saw my mother"s post and so she phoned my son to let him know. My son phoned my husband and my husband let me know face to fave that my father had died.
That evening my mother sent me a text which said that my father had died.
I phoned my uncle who gave me details of The Chapel of Rest.
I phoned the funeral directors but they were unable to discuss any matters with me in regard to my father's death, not even whether he was in their Chapel or not as they said that this would contravene data protection.
My husband phoned funeral directors head office in order for me to obtain a time to be with my dad and give my respects to him.
My mother sent me another text saying your dad did not want a funeral but you should be there with me to see him off.

Several weeks later I went to the local crematorium to enquire as to whether my father had a cremation service with them and if so, when it was please.
Am sorry for such a long post but the manager at the crematorium was concerned that my family of origin had ticked the box which said
'No' on the crematorium form .
In other words .. that ' No, there were no outstanding close relatives who had not been informed of my father's cremation. '

Am feeling so mixed up .. so much deep deep sorrow, .overwhelming lifelong realisations .. . confusion .. all I ever truly cared about was to respect my father at this very sad time .
Does a text count as me having being informed of my father's cremation ? ..

No one in my family of origin got in touch with me to let me know my father was dying.
Sorry for long winded and overly confusing and self absorbed post.. feel am still dealing with all this is overwhelming life long anxiety feelings.

OP posts:
BeSeeingYou · 24/07/2017 11:02

.. sorry my post is very unclear.

Feeling really overwhelmed for having posted .. is there any way I can delete my whole thread please ? .. sorry I cannot manage trying to explain something which makes me seem childish and am realising that I didnt know my mother was keeping me insane / clueless on purpose and so now, when I eventually 'catch up' with the grown ups .. I am the one who appears irrational and self absorbed.

Please can anyone advise me how best to delete all my post .. ?
am truly sorry and I just need to move away from feeling invalidated by my family of origin .. my childhood, my young adulthood .. all of it I have existed by not existing ..
I need to work out, . feel ? who I am as a person ..

much appreciated and sorry but another thing is I write too much, it's my almost permanent and bodily pervading anxiety .... when actually I ought to listen and go more slowly ..

kind regards to all on mumsnet .. often I find good companionship within these communities, thank you

OP posts:
Chimchar · 24/07/2017 11:24

Stop apologising!!
I'm sorry that you found out about Your Dad in the way that you did. Sad
Your relationship with your mum sounds terrible....she doesn't sound like she's been very kind to you at all.

You are clearly dealing with a lot of difficult things at the moment, so be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel however you do, and give yourself some time to come to terms with your Fathers death and the knock on effect that comes wth such a time.

If you want to get your post deleted, and there is nothing in there that is too identifying I don't think, then you can report your own thread...I think you swipe across the top of the thread?

I didn't want to not reply. Sending you a huge hug...you sound like you need it xx

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