LEAVING ALWAYS ON MY MIND 😐

[mummywith2princesses]

I constantly think about how my family would be better off without me. I look at my kids and wonder what exactly it is I bring to their lives except caring for them, i have no special skills or hobbies and i feel I am definately not someone they should look up to! I have thought so many times about just leaving, their father knows what he's doing and has a massive family to help him but it makes me feel like crying when i think of leaving them because they are technically my life I don't do anything else but this!!

They are more attached to their father and his parents than they are to me. I almost feel like a spare part and that my life is going no where except the same place its at, cleaning cooking and looking after the kids with no reciprocation from anyone else.....

Sorry if you dont like what I'm saying i just need some advice so please no hate

Does anyone else feel like this?

It doesn't matter whether you do the housework or not, you're their mum and they won't want to be without you. They'll feel abandoned. They'll think it's something they did and wonder why you didn't love them enough to stay.

Have you talked to your GP about how you're feeling?

Yes I've been diagnosed as clinically depressed and put on tablets i still get the thoughts though

Hi OP, I think this is quite common. I'm not sure I can offer much advice, just an empathetic hug. Sometimes it can help to make a list or plan a future family event where you lay down positive memories? Do you have a nice park or anything nearby?

I haven't known anyone openly feel this way so i felt like I was alone...

I'm going to plan my daughter's christening so maybe that will help me keep my mind busy? We have lots of good memories from days out and loads of photos showing it, i almost feel like something is missing, if that makes sense?

I have a lot of friends but they all seem to be coping so well im worried they will judge me if i talk to them about it.

Not many people are open about anything that goes wrong, it doesn't mean that it's not happening. I don't think people will judge - not if they are real friends and compassionate human beings. It's pretty difficult to open up to people though.

A christening sounds lovely! How far away is it?

Thats a massive shame, I'd feel much more normal if people openly talked about feeling the way I do, It would also feel much nicer to talk to other people.

I haven't organised it yet, i need to go and speak to the local vicar and then sort it from there.

OP - I understand completely, in fact I spent this afternoon working out how to leave. A close friend committed suicide last year and having seen the devastating effect that had on his family and friends I know I won't do that. I just feel I should leave. My life is going nowhere - I gave up work to be a SAHM and years later that is a huge regret ... I just cook, clean and care for them but because I am bored and lonely I offer nothing else, often unkind words and I hate myself for that. Nothing for them to aspire to (fortunately, they have dh for that) .But I won't walk away, I know that too. I don't want my children thinking I didn't love them enough to stay. They are my world, I have nothing else. I just want you to know that others do feel that way too. There are many fake smiles.

I just desperately don't want to be here anymore. I spent an hour on the phone to the Samaritans earlier. I won't kill my self because I wouldn't do that to my children but I pray that I get cancer or any terminal illness. Being alive hurts. I've had enough.

To the last 2 posters, these are my feelings exactly!! I have many a time wished to get a terminal illness so i can leave this world and not leave my kids as scarred as it would if I was to just up and leave!!

If you want to talk is there another way to contact?!

Gosh. I don't want to admit to this really but I feel the same. In the last year I have had some work issues and now am at home all the time and feel worthless and useless. I am going to talk to GP for antidepressants but I don't see how I will change how I feel. I'm not even very good at cleaning the house so I don't do that well either.

OP I could have written your post. Apart from I'm not with the kids dad. You're not alone. Sometimes I think it can seem like everyone else is coping but maybe there are more of us out there than we think.

Do you miss working at all? And do you get to do anything for yourself?

Recently on Woman's Hour they were talking about childbirth affecting women's self esteem. I can't find that (it was a week or two ago). But here is a link to an article about it.
I certainly felt a different, less happy and confident as a sahm with small DCs.
www.google.co.uk/amp/amp.weforum.org/agenda/2017/07/why-having-children-can-be-bad-for-some-womens-self-esteem . This could be contributing to your low feelings.

Dangermouse..... i feel slightly better knowing there are other people who feel the same way as!! It means im not a crap mum that doesn't deserve her kids for thinking that way!!

I used to enjoy working but I've been back to work since having the kids and i find that i feel like shit when trying to cope with all the house work, the kids AND a job!

I don't really have any time to myself neither does the husband but I've signed myself into a fitness class and he's just joined the gym so hopefully it will help with the over whelming feeling of being suffocated!!

I hope you are ok?!

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