Is anyone doing/done CBT ... I'm finding it really hard

[Laniakea]

I'm a few weeks in to a CBT programme for anxiety (specifically health anxiety about my children though I have OCD & had more generalised anxiety in the past). I'm on 150mg of sertraline & this is the second attempt at CBT ... last time I was too unwell to engage with it I guess.

Anyway - I'm finding it really hard ... stopping avoiding behaviours (I have lots!), not checking, not seeking reassurance. The exposure is painful - I never feel like I get to a point (if possible) where the anxiety fades. Still don't really know what to do with magical thoughts, catastrophic thinking & intrusive thoughts - I'm trying to let them wash over me without addressing them ... 'this is a thought it is not significant'. But it is so hard.

I had a panic attack this morning, I'm not sleeping well (massive trigger) - I am so scared of getting really unwell again.

I've got four demanding dc at home, barely see my dh (work stuff) and have no real support from anywhere else ... even if I did where does support become checking & reassurance? I'm exhausted & miserable.

is this on-line, group therapy or one-on-one?

I think I'm posting this because I desperately want to seek reassurance for the thing that triggered the panic attack this morning but am trying to be brave and not.

initially one to one, now email & phone (which I can't manage yet) contact.

Last time was group then phone which was tbh a disaster.

Perseverance is key. I know you may not want to hear that. I've done it for three months and didn't feel like i was getting it at all, but gradually i've noticed i'm better with some things. Keep going

Keep going and be kind to yourself. For me CBT (online made it much easier for me to be honest) was incredibly hard before it got better. It felt awful for a couple of sessions and I would cry my heart out but then was better for the rest of the week, if that makes sense? And I completely trusted in what the therapist wanted me to do (was at the end of my tether and had to try) which is difficult but I just had to surrender. It worked out and I can identify when my thoughts are not helpful, and certain things the therapist said have really stayed with me. I still imagine, what would she say to me now? sometimes. I'm so grateful.
I hope you can stay with it and start seeing some benefits really soon! Have you got support from a partner at home?