Apologies if this is a bit rambling, I don't know what I'm wanting to say.
I've always had periods of low moods, they come and go and I deal with them privately.
But lately the down times seem to be more frequent and more intense.
I do have some "issues" going on at the moment that I'm struggling with, but I'd rather not talk about them, with anyone.
For all of this week, I've been down and anxious about everything. Even the thought of school drop off/pick up makes my heart race. I'm crying almost constantly, and I'm not really sleeping all that well.
This morning, I've been crying again. A minor issue with my car caused me to argue with my parents, so more crying (and my mum texting me asking for an apology).
I cried at the checkout in the supermarket, cried all the way home and I'm still crying now.
I used to self harm, but I haven't for around 4 years now. But those thoughts are starting to creep in more often. And more extreme thoughts too, which I'm finding a little bit scary.
A few times in the past when I've felt down, I've considered making an appointment to see a doctor about it but I never do because my mood lifts eventually.
I'm also worried about what will happen if I do make an appointment. I find it difficult to talk about my feelings and often minimise them. I'm also a single parent, and I'm worried about what may happen to my DC.
I'm hoping this makes some sense