Too many dependants with MH issues and I suffer too

[sweetfig]

Really struggling at the moment. The genetics of MH is still relatively unresearched but I feel it has very strong links in my family. As a child I still have vivid memories of visiting my grandmother in a mental hospital. Fast forward to 16 years and my dad is in the same place having ECT, he is still mentally very unstable and no medication has been able to alleviate his symptoms. He is dying before our very eyes, he refuses to eat as he believes he is being fed drug packages which will clog up his digestive system. I started to have anxiety / depression at this time as well and so far have been scraping along by taking 40mg of citalopram. I still have weeks of gloom. Unfortunately my 17 year dd is showing signs of severe depression and anxiety, she has been self harming and wants to die.
It has just got too much for me. I am a teacher and today had a lesson obs. My mind was on other things, i.e mum phoning me this morning saying my dad is so near the end, my dd saying she won't to kill herself etc etc. I was graded inadequate and am gutted. This about finished me off today. I can't face work anymore. Just don't know where to turn next, it's all too much.

Sounds like you are having a very tough time.

Genetics is a factor (I am a geneticist) but it's not cut and dried - things like family dynamics and environment play a HUGE role. The genetics are more like a primer, so you may have a predisposition, but then life events work on that background. Please don't feel you're destined or doomed to have issues, that's just not true. What IS true is that you're having a shit time just now.

And frankly, it'd be amazing if you weren't struggling in this situation. It sounds like an awful lot to be coping with. Depression and anxiety is a perfectly natural response to life events sometimes.

I'd go back to your GP - is citalopram working for you? Can they review your medication? Can they offer you a talking therapy? I don't think cbt would be the best in this situation, someone to listen is probably what you need.
What help is dd getting? This situation will affecting her too - is she on medication? In touch with services to help?

It all sounds really really difficult. Please be kind to yourself.

Thank you Anatidae, some really interesting comments. My dd has reluctantly seen our gp and is now on sertraline, unfortunately she is too old for cahms but too young for adult counselling. I am going to make another gp appointment.

sweetfig is there anyone you can speak to about the assessment? Line manager/union etc? As it seems unfair for you to be assessed at a time where the odds are really stacked against you. Not just one major life stressor, but 2 and then an assessment on top. You'd have to be some sort of emotionally disconnected robot to NOT be affected by what is going on in your life. You could have been off work, but then the class would have had a supply teacher which would have been worse educationally for the children surely?

I hope that your DD starts to feel a bit better soon. I don't know about where you are but there are organisations local to us who provide free counselling for young people up to age 21 online and face to face, and my area is a bit 'backwards' with a lot of things. But then again, as a teacher you might already know about these sort of things if they exist.

Thank you Danger, I only have 2 weeks left at the school and then am changing to a new school from next term. Are you a teacher? Do you know if my observation will get passed onto my new school?

Hinsweetfig I'm not a teacher- I just have quite a few teacher friends. I'm not sure about observation being passed onto new school. Might be worthwhile asking your manager.

My daughters school is rated 'inadequate' but it's not seen as a failure, just something to be worked with I'm assuming it must be the same for teachers- and you have an actual proper excuse for not being up to your usual standard.

Daughters school has a teacher who is actually not a natural teacher, but she keeps getting jobs and is actually improving (I have kids at another school she's been at too) so if someone who is just not that great still gets on, a person going through a hard patch who is usually good should be fine surely?

Hi thanks danger, I sought advice from my union and the observation cannot get passed on to my new school
In the meantime I saw my GP today who has signed me off sick until the end of term with acute anxiety, he was so lovely and understanding and just made me cry even more!
I e-mailed my school at lunchtime today to let them know. I've had no reply!!

Oh that's some good news.

I'm not surprised he's signed you off- you've got so much going on. I hope that with work gone now you can take some time to look after yourself as well as the other things you are having to deal with.