Getting over a relative's suicide attempt

[sonow]

As you might know from my other thread, my husband tried 11 days ago. He's "ok" (not great but not in crisis anymore).

I'm suddenly not ok. I tried going back to work today and slowly and steadily felt overwhelmed with everything, how life has gone on without me, how it feels like years have gone by, how my brain doesn't focus properly now, and how I keep wondering how everyone else is so normal. I vaguely see/hear flashbacks. It felt a bit like drowning.

My manager doesn't seem keen on phased return. He says he knows it's hard for me and only wants me back when I'm at 100%.

How long does that take? Any guesses or experiences? Am I being over dramatic? My mum is whenever anyone's ill and I try so hard not to be like her. What is my brain playing at?

No real advice I'm afraid but didn't want to ignore you. Sorry things sound very tough xx

Its very very tough, is there any counselling you can access through work? Or anyone impartial you can speak to?Youve been through a horrible event and once your body gets through a crises, the brain needs some time to place itself in a new set of circumstances.

sonow so sorry to hear what's happened. I didn't see your previous thread.

My OH made a very determined suicide attempt two years ago. It was very traumatic for me and him.

What's happened had to hit you at some point. You are definitely Not being overdramatic. This is a big awful thing that has happened and it will take time for you both to recover from. In my experience there is very little support and guidance for partners in our position.

All I can say is be Really kind to yourself. Do, asmuch as you're able, things you enjoy. See nice people not ones bring stress or downers. Rest, sleep and treat yourself like a dear friend recovering from a big trauma. Find people you can share how you're feeling with, if you can afford it a counsellor, as for me and others, anger follows.

Did you find your dh? Is he hospitalised now or at home? I also had flashbacks - it's a sign of trauma and a sign that you need to take care of yourself and take things a bit easy.

But mainly, take it easy, be kind to yourself and don't give yourself a hard time for however you feel over the next days, weeks and months. Keep posting.

With warm wishes

I mainly want to let you know that you're not alone. Two different people in my life have tried to commit suicide - both more than once. I have struggled to deal with the feelings of guilt, although the rational part of me knows that it isn't my fault.

It is possible that your manager means "only come back when you're 100%" in a kind way. Is there an Occupational Health team that you could speak to about a phased return?

PS just realised that I also wanted to say that you definitely shouldn't be ashamed that you are struggling when it only happened 11 days ago. I am still very much affected many years later. I would strongly suggest you get some counselling if you haven't already. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be

Generally when my husbands in crisis I cope, it's when things start to settle I collapse. 11 days is no time at all things will still be very raw. Give yourself permission for some time out to look after yourself. If work is too much right now ask your GP to sign you off for a few weeks longer.

I'm currently recovering from PTSD in relation to my husbands last crisis 12 months ago. I had 3 months off sick and am still on a phased return. Not suggesting you will need this long but just to give context.

This early on what you describe feeling is completely normal. If the flashbacks etc last more than a month you should see your GP for referal to a trauma specilist, not a general councellor. Councelling can be very useful, but with trauma general talking therapies can make things worse by re traumatising you. I learned this the hard way.

My personal reccommendation is IEMT (similar to EMDR) trauma specific CBT is another reccommended treatment.