Dh anxiety and intrusive thoughts

[buzzbeebee]

Hi all, am hoping for some advice. We have had a lot of upheaval and changes in our life recently. Moved back to our home place , living with family while waiting on legal work to go through for our new home, have a 5 month old. No privacy in parents. Dh started new job with super long commute. However is doing well at new job. Had 2 weeks signed of from new job with anxiety. That improved while he was of but still hasn't completely recovered. Is having low moods and having intrusive thoughts about my x bf's! And how I might go back to them. We have been together 14 years now so to me this is so silly and completely unfounded and no chance of happening but I know it's not rational on his part. I know he wants to stop his thoughts but doesn't know how.

He doesn't want to be on his own so I'm going to bed when he does which is early. However I need to be doing chores at this point or I would really love this time to just chill out after hectic day with baby when is isasleep. However I feel like being with him is something I can do to help but feel myself feeling silently resentful as I don't want to be in bed (I know horrible of me).

We had a row last week as he wanted a hug. I had been breast feeding all day, I had checked he was alright and if I could do anything. He said no. So I said night and rolled over to go to sleep and then 5 min later he asked for a hug. I said no ( I know really really horrible of me) as I just wanted my body for me at that point. I had been attached to a baby all day.

I hope I've give enough info, without going over board. I don't want to drip feed.

Anyway two questions:

Does anyone have any suggestions on how he can help his intrusive thoughts

Has anyone any suggestions on how I can help him while managing my selfishness of needing me time and not wanting touched. (Bear in mind not wanting touched was 1 time in a month, although I feel like that again tonight (af has arrived))

Anyone?

He's been signed off work with anxiety, but has he mentioned he's having intrusive thoughts to his gp, and has he been offered cbt?

No I don't think he did mention intrusive thoughts. Hasn't been offered CBT. Was told to come back if he wanted to try medication. He says he feels better than he did though and doesn't really want to try medication just yet. He hates to even take a pain killer for a sore head.
Should I suggest counselling again to him? It is something we could probably afford short term

He has been back at work 2.5 weeks now

I've asked him to try and see if work will let him cut down his hours as I think that might also help. He isn't enjoying being away from us so much

Does he exercise op? I suffer from anxiety and intrusive thoughts as well and have found the one thing that really does help is exercise. I had stopped for a while and it's all come back with a vengeance. It's something to try if he doesn't want to try medication/counselling. CBT is supposed to be very good. Good luck to you both. I don't think you were being horrible, it's really difficult for the other person too and sometimes even I forget that.

It would be good to check in with his GP I think, just to rule out anything else, but it does sound like CBT (as opposed to counselling) could be really helpful for teaching him how to handle the intrusive anxious thoughts.

If he doesn't want to wait for NHS CBT you could find somebody locally or try Anxiety UK who can provide therapy at a reduced rate for members.

Meditation can also help massively for dealing with a busy mind. There's tonnes of apps and YouTube videos out there - Headspace, Buddhify, Smiling Mind, Mindful, Calm etc.

As for dealing with your own 'selfish' feelings, blimey, it's not selfish at all! This is really hard. Give yourself a break and be kind to yourself, you're doing your best for your family in really stressful circumstances.

for you OP, you'll get through this.