Please or to access all these features

Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

when is it time to take time off work?

16 replies

namechange98765 · 03/07/2017 21:09

I'm depressed and experiencing ups/downs (possibly bipolar but undiagnosed), and feel it's really got to the point where almost all the relationships in my life are damaged/ruined, possibly irreperably. The last thing that I had was work, where I was able to 'pretend' until late last year, but since then have been unravelling there too.

The trouble is, colleagues either don't know what is going on with me (because I don't want to tell everyone), or do know but still don't really want to know, or don't listen anyway. For example, they tell me I'm not trying hard enough with other colleagues, and I try to explain that a symptom of the depression is that I really just feel very withdrawn and actually prefer to be alone and find it hard to be chatty and engaging.

One colleague began giving me a long lecture today about how I should try harder. This is someone who (IMHO) lacks self awareness herself, so I gently pointed out that she was no more listening well to me, if she could see that, then I was to other people. She was visibly upset, said she only meant well and went away looking like she was about to cry. I really didn't set out to be mean.

I'm just wondering at what point you decide to sign off work sick, and how that works? I am worried that I'm bringing my whole life crashing down. I don't see what good sitting at home is going to do either, but it still might be better than the damage I seem to be doing at work.

Have tried, and tried, and tried to get access to therapy, counselling on the NHS. A few years in and still no sign of actually being offered a service, I just keep being invited to introductory appointments with different services that pass me on, or back to my GP. I"m trying to find a private therapist.

I could make something up and take a couple of days off 'sick', just nto sure what it would achieve, other than not doing any more damage. I would still have to go back, and be me, next week. Probably with a bunch of people now mad at me for upsetting this colleague, I don't know.

OP posts:
roselover11 · 03/07/2017 21:19

Take a look at my last post Hun
I'm hoping I get an answer to my question I have asked

I would say now??? I may be wrong though

I've been off for 2 wks and due to go back Wednesday

RuncibleSp00n · 03/07/2017 21:29

You don't "decide to sign off work sick". That's not how it works. If your healthcare provider (GP, psychiatrist, OT, MH nurse) decides with you that in their opinion you are unfit for work at present due to a mental health condition (stress/anxiety/depression) they can decide to provide you with a 'fit note' explaining that you are currently unfit either for your usual duties or for work in general.

So the first port of call if you're really feeling too ill to work (not just as a way of avoiding uncomfortable scenarios or issues with colleagues) is to book to see your GP, who will ask you about your recent difficulties/sleep/appetite/mood/ability to cope with ADLs etc. If you and he/she conclude that some time off work would benefit your mental health at the mo, you would be signed-off for 1-2 weeks initially.

I hope you start feeling better soon. Flowers

namechange98765 · 03/07/2017 21:42

Maybe I didn't explain well enough in my original post, am already diagnosed with depression. So far it's me who has chosen to work and not be signed off sick. I'm not trying to avoid anything deliberately.

OP posts:
namechange98765 · 03/07/2017 21:43

I honestly thought people on this board wouldn't be so quick to take that kind of tone. Maybe I'm in the wrong place, so sorry to have wasted your time.

OP posts:
roselover11 · 03/07/2017 21:51

Don't be disheartened Hun
I read that with a tone too
We are not here for that
We are here to support
Shame others don't seem to do that
People don't read and then assume then make out it's something you've said ?
Maybe they should read your post again

redandwhite1 · 03/07/2017 21:53

For me it was when the mask I put on every day couldn't go on anymore. I had 2.5 weeks off (October last year) and although I still have my moments it helped so much

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 03/07/2017 22:03

Don't just sign off for a few days with a cold, go back to your GP and explain that you're just not coping, they will understand. And please don't stress about what you said to your colleague, she offered unsolicited, unhelpful advice and you responded. I know when I've been depressed guilty feelings (about anything and everything) take over and make it hard to see the wood for the trees.

Depression is an illness like any other, you shouldn't feel bad at needing some time off to try and heal. Putting on a brave face and pretending you're fine doesn't fix things in the long run.

Flowers for you.

deckoff · 03/07/2017 22:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

namechange98765 · 04/07/2017 09:43

Thank you. I have a GP appointment this morning.

Already saw OH health, they agreed with everything I said, including the need to just be able to work quietly with the door closed when feeling less good. Also work flexibly. Trouble is, colleagues who don't know (and I don't want to tell) are punishing me for this by making comments when I walk through, closing doors in my face etc. View of more senior managers is it's my fault for not building rapport with them. But often I can barely speak without busting into sobbing tears, nowhere near able to sit down and try to explain myself to a whole group of hostile people.

OP posts:
namechange98765 · 04/07/2017 09:46

I really don't want to not work, I see that as a slippery slope, and have said that to GPs so far. But by now feel by going to work, I've made myself worse and damaged my career.

OP posts:
dangermouseisace · 04/07/2017 11:02

I would only take time off work if it is affecting your ability to do your job to an acceptable standard.

It sounds like your workplace has a kind of bullying culture though, which is THEIR problem not yours. You shouldn't have to tell colleagues about your health problems- it's your business not theirs and they should be accommodating of different types of working and behaviour in human beings. Do you have a manager you can speak to about this, or someone in occupational health?

namechange98765 · 04/07/2017 11:48

It's public sector and they claim to be showing best practice, but that's not my experience. They are good at offering flexible working, but not at preventing the bullying. I've raised this with my line manager (fairly senior) several times and beyond having a general 'chat' with those who are doing it, she won't do anything. Says they are only behaving that way because they can see that I'm behaving differently (by which she means withdrawn/not 'chatty'/wanting to work in a quiet space with the door closed because of the way I'm feeling).

OH wrote a letter to support me, which she has read.

I think she's trying to keep everyone happy, and sees it as my problem to overcome. She says I should approach the team (office next door to mine) to improve relations - but I am very sure that won't work well for me. I would expect a hostile/derisory reaction and don't want to feel worse than I already do. I'm struggling to hold basic conversations a lot of the time never mind difficult ones like that. I just end up in tears and feel humiliated being like that at work.

Am working from home today.

OP posts:
RuncibleSp00n · 06/07/2017 22:43

I'm sorry OP. I really didn't mean you to take offence at my post; I was trying to help. I'm a fellow sufferer of depression/stress/anxiety (20 years and counting) and am regularly off work did long periods of time as a result of my GP or psychiatrist making the decision that I'm not fit for work. So I was meaning that it's not all on your shoulders to choose whether that's the right thing or not (as you asked in your OP).

I've recently returned to work after quite a while off. I too am public sector, in a field related to mental health (ironically). I know it's hard.

deckoff Thank you for understanding my meaning and translating it for the OP. I'm glad not everyone got the wrong end of my comment stick.

dangermouseisace · 06/07/2017 23:27

Hm I've worked in pub sector they're not immune from being discriminatory/crap.

Under the Equalities Act they have to make reasonable adjustments to accommodate your health problem. Being in a quiet corner etc is good. However expecting you to do something that is just not possible because of your health problem is unfair treatment and as being chatty isn't even part of your job it's not reasonable to expect you to do this. Forcing you into doing such things so that you can't come into the office etc is unfair treatment. Are you in a union? If not it might be a good idea to join. This sort of thing is not on OP- your manager is not keeping everyone happy if it's putting you off being at work.

erinaceus · 08/07/2017 05:43

For me it is when I have zero or even negative productivity and am sitting staring at my email not doing anything at all all day.

I have had it happen twice and I phasing back into work for the second time at the moment. I was off for months at a time, both times.

I see a psychotherapist privately and my GP manages my medication. I work with some other local statutory services as well. This set-up is working for me at the moment.

erinaceus · 08/07/2017 05:44

*I am phasing

New posts on this thread. Refresh page