I'm depressed and experiencing ups/downs (possibly bipolar but undiagnosed), and feel it's really got to the point where almost all the relationships in my life are damaged/ruined, possibly irreperably. The last thing that I had was work, where I was able to 'pretend' until late last year, but since then have been unravelling there too.
The trouble is, colleagues either don't know what is going on with me (because I don't want to tell everyone), or do know but still don't really want to know, or don't listen anyway. For example, they tell me I'm not trying hard enough with other colleagues, and I try to explain that a symptom of the depression is that I really just feel very withdrawn and actually prefer to be alone and find it hard to be chatty and engaging.
One colleague began giving me a long lecture today about how I should try harder. This is someone who (IMHO) lacks self awareness herself, so I gently pointed out that she was no more listening well to me, if she could see that, then I was to other people. She was visibly upset, said she only meant well and went away looking like she was about to cry. I really didn't set out to be mean.
I'm just wondering at what point you decide to sign off work sick, and how that works? I am worried that I'm bringing my whole life crashing down. I don't see what good sitting at home is going to do either, but it still might be better than the damage I seem to be doing at work.
Have tried, and tried, and tried to get access to therapy, counselling on the NHS. A few years in and still no sign of actually being offered a service, I just keep being invited to introductory appointments with different services that pass me on, or back to my GP. I"m trying to find a private therapist.
I could make something up and take a couple of days off 'sick', just nto sure what it would achieve, other than not doing any more damage. I would still have to go back, and be me, next week. Probably with a bunch of people now mad at me for upsetting this colleague, I don't know.