Could I have PTSD?

[mawi]

My sister died 18 month ago by suicide. I never found her or anything but I changed that day, we all did. I was also sexually abused at 13 by my father. He also died last year.

I have always being anxious and have had depression since I was a child.

I am attending bereavement counselling and am doing a lot of self care work.

I was watching tv this afternoon and ptsd was mentioned and for the first time it occurred to me that I might have it.

Is there's anyone here that can talk to me about ptsd & if here is any chance I might have it?

PTSD involves:-
Nightmares or flashbacks to the trauma(s)
Anxiety and hyper vigilance to danger
Avoidance of reminders of the trauma - that could include avoiding talking or thinking about it

Do you have much of those things going on?

My mum had this after a number of difficult family situations. She didn't have flashbacks but couldn't eat, very anxious, panic attacks, not being able to cope etc.

She was diagnosed by a psychiatrist as having ptsd. He said she'd just carried on through the difficult times and put them to the back of her mind so didn't deal with them at the time.
Sounds like you are suffering from this. I think it's a bit of a misconception that ptsd is triggered just by a trauma or witnessing something.

I think it's great you are having counselling and anxiety is such a horrible thing.

I am also very sorry to read that your sister died, it must have been and still is very hard to deal with.

Thank you for your responses.

It is very hard to live with, the grief and pain is unbearable at times. I try to deal with it all as best I can.

I went to the cinema a couple of months ago and ended up in tears, I cry a lot. I am so anxious, I am so worried someone else is going to die, I automatically assume the worst now. If someone phones me and I am not expecting the call I answer with what's wrong. I check my children when they are sleeping to make sure they are breathing, dh has to check in every few hours so I know he is ok, even just a text saying hello but I need it now. I am trying to not catastrophise but sometimes the fear is too much.

We (dh & I) lost 7 people in 2 years, dsis was the worst but all of them have affected us and each one just knocks us back a bit more.

I have flashbacks and I find it hard not to see her in the coffin, I find it hard to picture her alive. I spend a lot of time with her dc and dbil and sometimes that is really hard but other times it is very normal. We all laugh and smile and talk about her normally. We also get angry or sad and rant and rave about the whole horrible situation. We know she was ill, very ill & that helps us accept it more, she just couldn't cope with life but even with years of help nothing could be done to save her & that makes us so angry.

Sorry I am writing an essay now. Thank you if you have read this.

Mari I can completely understand your need for reassurance, you are in the middle of a very difficult part of your life.

Ive got to go out now but keep getting it all out and I'll check back later.

Stupid spell check corrected you username - sorry

To Mawi
Probably not full on PTSD, maybe because you have talked plenty about your sister and her death. That helps process the memory and make it more of a sad one than a terrifying one. Keep talking about it all, it always helps.
In terms of the symptoms you have, you do certainly sound excessively anxious and possibly you would be diagnosed with generalised anxiety disorder. CBT is a good treatment, but while you consider if you want further therapy, it's worth trying to practice not acting on the anxious thoughts. Let's face it - every time you've checked on your children or husband, they've been ok, which suggests that all the anxious thoughts that have come into your mind have been inaccurate ( I don't mean that unkindly). So potentially the ones in the future will be too.

I'd say that PTSD is PTSD; I don't think that there is a 'less full on version.'

In addition to your counselling and self-care, I wonder if it might be worth speaking to your GP about symptomatic relief from anxiety etc. Also, The Compassionate Friends, a small voluntary sector organisation who support people whose child has died, also support people who have lost siblings. They offer specific forums/groups for people who have lost someone as a result of suicide, as the feelings and issues are so unique and hard for others to understand. Maybe drop them a line or give them a ring? www.tcf.org.uk/

You could have ptsd, you've been through some horribly traumatic experiences. The kind of events that are just as likely to lead to depression and anxiety or play a part in a whole range of problems - unexplained physical disturbances as well as mental and emotional, substance use etc.