Is this right?

[roselover11]

So can someone help

Not sure where to post?!

I'm currently feeling low at the mo and trying to feel better

There's a woman at work who is making my life hell
It's a clash of personality I guess but now she has made it clear she didn't like me
There's 6 of us in a team and 2 members have just left
Leaving us 4
She will come in say hi to all the people using their names and miss me out
She won't speak to me unless it's work related so when I joined in a conversation she said
I'm talking to' Emma ' not you
So I spoke to my manager as I feel she is almost being a bit of a bully!
She's very rude and unapproachable and it's not as though I expect everyone to get on with everyone but when we are on our own if I leave earlier then there and say bye see you tomorrow I will be blanked
It's starting to get to me and make me not want to go to work
I feel anxious as the thought of it
My manager said I can go down the greivance route but it sounds long stressful and I don't know if it's necessary? I don't want to get anyone in trouble but we had a meeting with her and my manager today and she is adamant she isn't doing anything wrong ?!
It's more rudeness that bullying and I just don't know what to do

What a cow.
You have my sympathy.
I would start a greivence if it was me.

Is ignoring people and not choosing to talk to them really grounds for that though? It just makes me feel a bit uncomfortable when she says hi to everyone and uses their names and doesn't say hi to me
As I say it's not just that but my colleague who is a good friend of mine said she called me ' a madam ' when she was telling my colleague she was talking to her and NOT me so I'm expected to not join in in ANY conversation
In the meeting with my manager she wouldn't look at me so I said her name and was talking softly so she didn't think I was being attacking and my manager said her name and said ' julie is trying to talk to you ' and she said yes I know I'm listening and then turned away so I just said ok fine and carried on talking to her
She won't use my name if she can help it
My colleagues said she called me things like her what's her name and just points but wont use my name
My colleagues have said they do agree with me but don't want to get involved so I do get that
I'm so worried about going back to work I don't think I can even go in tomorrow it's that bad

You need to keep a log with dates times and examples of the behaviour that is upsetting. This can be used as evidence if you go ahead with the grievance. It doesn't sound like your manager was particularly helpful when you met. If she doesn't plan to do anything unless you go down the grievance route then it may be necessary to get any resolution. You could speak to personal for more advice.

If you go off sick due to this make sure you site this behaviour as the reason for your sickness, you could also speak to occupational health for advice.

It does sound like bullying, could you ask for a copy of the workplace bullying policy? This could help you know what the process is. I would immagine they would go down the mediation route first, to see if this can be resolved.

My manager tried to mediate today
He was pretty good in my opinion however I think because this women is very bolchy they've even said people have left because of her
His words were ' im a little embarrassed to be honest as we haven't done anything when we knew she was causing problems to other people' I implied I might go off for 2 wks and may not be in tomorrow and he said he really wouldn't want me to do that as he knows I like my job and I'm good at it etc
I said the same that it's not my intention but as this is that bad I want something done
What else can be done though if she's not willing to accept that how she has behaved is wrong?
I've said I would sleep on it and call my manager first thing to let him know - he's been pretty supportive but he's the main manager not really my line manager
My line manager and her manager are both off for 2 wks so I shouldn't really have gone to the main boss but there was no other option!!
My 2 managers know there are issues with her and are aware of the previous incidents
One where she shouted and was aggressive
I stopped that complaint after she was nice afterwards but now she has started to ignore and isolate I just feel it's wrong

It's good that your manager finally sees the problem but it sounds like you need to start going down the grievance route. This may be the only way in which she'll start behaving like an adult - and if she doesn't, it will be up to the company to decide what to do (i.e. formal warning, dismissal, etc)

I am appalled at her behaviour. How old is she? 11?

Stay strong. You are doing all the right things.

Well I'll call my manager tomorrow and tell him I'm not coming in ( I have a drs app tomorrow at 9 ) so I'm going to self certificate for stress and see what the dr says about if he would sign me off or not
Either way a few days off will give me time to decide what to do
I feel like I'm at the end of my tether and I can't face it anymore
Thanks for the advice

Be strong and do this for you, the other people she's tormented and future people she will do the same to
Dickheads like that will just carry on until someone is brave enough to stop them.
Think about what will happen if you do nothing, you will end up on long term sick and/or finding a new job anyway. So take it as far as you can and if you're not satisfied with actions taken by management then consider finding a new job.

On a positive note
your manager is completely behind you
your colleagues agree with you

• she has proven form for this

Start a grievance & hold your head up high

I wish you lots of luck OP. I worked with someone a bit like this, many people left because of her, but managers seemed nervous of incurring her anger (and its a family male dominated workplace, I think they were scared she might say they were being sexist in some way by challenging her).
She eventually got made redundant, which may well have been in part due to her behaviour, but no one seemed to want to confront her!
I wonder if you can improve how you feel a bit (independent of whether you pursue a grievance), by just reminding yourself that she is being really silly and childish, and making herself look daft. Try to ignore her odd behaviour and just talk to the others as if she's behaving normally (but avoid specifically 'blanking' her, as she could use that to suggest that its an equal blame squabble rather than her behaving nastily).

Thanks everyone
I feel lots better
I shall keep you posted xxx

I've spoken to the main manager today after a trip to the drs and I've been signed off for 2 wks
The drs supported this and when I spoke to the main manager he almost encouraged me to go down the grievance procedure and even said he wouldn't want me just handing my notice in and then someone else starting and then having the same problems with this women
What should I do now ? Should i start the grievance progress or should i wait the 2 wks then speak to my line manager as she will be back by then? Never done this before.
All i do know is that I've read through the policy the manager sent me and I have definitely done the right thing

I wouldn't wait, there's no logical reason to really, your li e manager can think its a good idea (in which case its a pointless delay), or a bad one, in which case its probably better to get things started (especially with the backing of the other manager), so that the line manager can't do much but support the process.
I'd just ask for a word in private as soon as l manager is back, so you can tell them what is happening first hand.

I'd suggest you start the grievance procedure now as it will take a while. You will need to write a formal grievance but there's LOTS of help online about how to do this and what you should include.

You're doing the right thing. I'm glad you're feeling better about it.

Update : I need help

So....after the last posters advice, I typed out a letter and sent it to the manager and stated I want to go ahead with the grievance process
After almost 2 wks I feel so free and getting to the stage where I feel happy ( I've been low and on AD) and taken 2 wks off was most certainly the right decision for me
I've been applying for jobs like mad as I really really don't want to stay there
I know I have to go back Wednesday but I'm almost feeling anxious at the thought
I've had no contact from work at all
Is this right? Should they have called ? My friend said to not go back until they've made contact with me and let me know what they plan to do? I know I have to brave the office on Wednesday but honestly
I am so scared
What are my options?
Thanks peeps

I would try not to guess what the lack of contact means - the manager may feel that it would be unfair to bother you, when you took time off due in part to the stress (you might later say that they didn't even leave you in peace when you took time off to get away from the problem?).

I would definitely go back when you are expected if you possibly can (taking extra time without getting permission in writing first would put you in the wrong..). Try to think positive - you are professional and competent - you have taken the appropriate action to address a problem, after trying to resolve it informally. The other woman has an issue with you, but that is her problem, not yours (I know it has upset you, but try to see it in that way).

I would have a think about what you would want to happen, as sooner or later someone may ask that. And ask you manager for a meeting (maybe by email, so they receive it first thing, and you don't have to hover to speak to them), so that you can be updated on what has been happening. If no one seems to know, perhaps ask HR (if you have them - I'm always amazed how many companies apparently don't!) for a meeting to discuss what the process is, and where it has got to?

I know its really hard, but try not to worry about what could happen - just get back in there and do your job well (while continuing to find another job if you feel like it!). Good luck OP

Thank you

I was considering asking to have more time off I'd never take it without permission but I think what you have suggested seems like the best option thank you

I did think about sending an email and I appreciate that maybe the no contact may be as they might not want to stress me any further

Maybe I'll just go in and see what happens...

Yes we have a HR
It's a huge organisation actually so hopefully Wednesday will be ok

Thank you for the advice

I still haven't heard from my work or hr dept so I'm guessing I won't now

I'm so anxious about going back
The reason I'm off is because of that one women in my team and I just would have thought someone would have called me by now

I'm so confused
I don't know wether to go in or not
I'm constantly looking for jobs and I even have an interview tomorrow morning before I start work so I'm looking forward to that

I just don't want to walk in the office and for them just to expect me to get on with my work as if nothing has happened
One of my colleagues has sent me a Facebook message asking if I'm back tomorrow as she needs to know if she should do my work or not?!
I did give a handover but obviously she is wandering so it's not really fair on her
I'm so confused what to do

Please can someone help

So after constant job hunting I've been offered a new job today

Long story short I CANNOT stay where i am and work with this bully of a women

My new job know I have to work a month but they've asked if there is any movement
As much as I don't want to leave them in the lurch if I stay any longer I'm worried it will make me more anxious
I just want to leave and start my new job
They've asked if I could ask them if I could work 2 wks
I never signed a contact
I don't think that's the point as morally I know I should work my notice but under the circs I think given them 2 wks is something?
I'm maybe handing my notice in tomorrow so please can someone help?thank you

I'm really sorry to hear that things haven't improved OP, but great news that you've found another job :-), congratulations on that :-)!
What did they do when you went back? Have the management talked to you about your grievance, or provided any support?
I am not an expert on employment law, so you may want to create a thread asking for advice in a section on 'work', but it sounds a lot as if this could be seen as 'constructive dismissal', which roughly means that you had no choice but to leave due to the environment you were placed in at work. You may be able to write to your employer stating this, and they may then be less likely to demand that you work your notice. This website looks useful:
natemplaw.co.uk/portfolio/constructive-dismissal-letter-template/

Also, are you sure you don't have any sort of contract? As its a big company, that seems a bit odd, but if there isn't one, I don't think you should feel too bad about not working a months notice - you're leaving because your working environment was awful, so owe them less morally than usual!
As I said, try to get some advice from someone with specific expertise, on your level of obligation in the circumstances.

I definitely didn't sign anything as they emailed me asking to and I ignored it and I never chased it up
Thank you for your advice
Very interesting
I may write my resignation letter with words to that affect
Ie I will work 2 weeks notice due to the circs etc