Should I socialise less?

[Allbutone85]

I've posted before about my struggle with anxiety.

To give a recap, I am at home with two young girls every day while my husband works away. A lot of friends and family have very kindly offered to visit while my husband is away.

The problem is, I'm really trying to get some control over my anxiety right now. When visitor come to stay, my workload doubles. No matter how much they help out while they're here, there's the bedding to be changed before they arrive/after they leave, there's having the kids out of their usual routine, there's just a million extra little jobs, fetching people towels, cooking for extra people, trying to converse with the visitors while trying to take care of the kids etc. They leave and then the house needs cleaned from top to bottom, the kids are on a high and I'm left feeling exhausted and having a whole house to clean as well as taking care of my girls. I feel like the only way I can keep on top of housework is to keep on top of it daily because if it mounts up, I just don't have the time to catch up. Especially since it's just me and the kids.

My mental state suffers because I don't have time or the opportunity to do my mindfulness that I've been doing while the guests are here. I end up sleeping on the couch to give the guests my bed so I end up not sleeping so well and the whole thing just takes me back ten steps in my battle against anxiety.

I just want to cancel all these visits people have planned. I just feel like the whole thing is making me feel so overwhelmed.

What should I do? Would I be right to cancel and if so, what reason could I give? Please help.

Are you able to stay with them instead? Although your kids are still hyper you won't have the clearing up.
Or before they leave can they take the kids out for a few hours so you can get back on top of things?

Any visitors have to travel quite a distance to come and see us and I don't drive, public transport isn't an option between the two locations either unfortunately. Your point is valid with regards to them taking the kids out, that would help but I wouldn't feel comfortable asking many of them to do this. Even if I do catch up on quite a bit of the work, I'd still feel emotionally & physically drained by the end which seems to take a massive toll on my mental health

Yes I understand- it's very hard.
I absolutely understand where you are coming from. So the visitors actually help you, do you feel the load taken off when they are here?

they do their utmost to help but no matter what they do, my workload always seems bigger. I feel like at the moment I need some quiet & calm in my life and when people come and stay for the weekend, it is anything but quiet and calm. It's the lack of sleep, going to bed later, still having the kids to get up with in the morning etc and then the aftermath of the visits. It's completely draining. If I was in a good mental frame of mind I'd be better able to cope and maybe even enjoy having the guests but in my current circumstances, it just seems too much. I feel like I'm giving myself a better chance at getting better if I make sure I have that quiet time and some time to myself, a good nights sleep and so on. I don't want to isolate myself but I can't keep feeling so low after every single weekend I just don't quite know how to say it to my friends and family.

Do they know you are suffering with anxiety? Perhaps cut down at first? as if you suddenly stopped seeing evéryone that sounds a pretty big change to your rountine?

I think that although these visitors are well meaning, if they are causing you more stress than they are relieving it sounds wise to cut down. Could you explain that you would really like some time with just you and the kids and space the visits out a bit further appart? See how it goes and if you change your mind you can always increase the frequency again.

Are they coming because your DH is away I.e. Do they think they're helping? Or is it purely social to give you "company"?

Start with the least helpful visitors - invent an excuse that is semi-true (DC are playing up at the moment when out of routine and I feel we need a weekend to reset) and cancel/postpone.

I have anxiety and people staying def adds to it. I am honest about it so restrict visitors, but I guess from your post you don't want to share that health info (which I understand).

Oh and I used to sleep on the couch too, not any more!