Want to self harm

[Foundwantingalways]

Nc for this. I have self harmed before but only hitting or punching or biting myself. Today I have had some news that's really affected me and all I want to do is cut my arm, it's all I can think about. I'm trying to distract myself and I know that I'll regret it bitterly, especially if it scars as it will be a permanent reminder of today, but I really feel like I need that pain, if that makes sense? I am dreading having to go to bed because I know I will lie awake thinking about what's happened today, and things might get worse, and so I'm thinking of taking something to help me sleep, I don't know if that's going to make things worse or better, I don't want to have to think at all any more. I'm sorry if this makes no sense, it's not something I can tell anyone about so it's just all going round and round in my head.

I'm so sorry that you're feeling this way - I know what this feels like.

I received a tip once that may help you through the immediate urge to hurt yourself. Instead of cutting yourself or hurting yourself in another way, maybe try squeezing an ice cube really tightly in your hand? It's painful and may allow you some relief in the short term without actually doing yourself any damage. Try focussing on your breathing too, this helps me when I feel overwhelmed - breathe in through your nose for four seconds, hold it for a few seconds then breathe out through your mouth for eight seconds. It will do you good to talk too if you can - if you have no one in RL maybe the Samaritans?

Have you seen your GP or anyone else about feeling this way?

Thanks swinkle for posting. I've seen my gp a couple of years ago for anxiety and was prescribed antidepressants, for a couple of reasons I decided not to take them. I thought I was able to manage it all. It's just getting slowly worse and today has shocked me, I never thought I'd ever want to cut myself but it's like an overwhelming urge. I am a little calmer right now but I have ice cubes so I will try that if the urge comes again,thank you.

You're very welcome!

Do consider going back to your GP. I suffered terribly with anxiety and depression for years. It took me a long time to seek help, when I finally did I was prescribed antidepressants too which I tried but didn't end up making a difference at all. I alternated between going back to the GP and ignoring it for many years. I eventually looked into CBT by myself, again avoiding the GP, listened to a few self help audiobooks, tried a few apps which helped a bit. Then I eventually went back to the GP and asked for counselling. I was referred to MIND as the NHS waiting list was so long (you can also self- refer to MIND for private counselling and other ways they can help) and this really has been the big turning point for me. I think it will always be with me to some extent, but I have picked up tools to help me cope with it.

The CBT app I use when I need to calm myself down immediately is called Stress and Anxiety Companion. I'd recommend giving that a go too, it might help you :)

I also know that feeling well, for me the urges come in waves and thinking of riding those waves helps, knowing that the urge will pass. I set myself goals to wait 5 mins, then if I can do that I can do another 5 mins to get me through the urges.

When I start getting these urges I now know its time to see my GP and put some self care in place, I find mindfulness, exercise and meditation help. I resisted ADs at first but having taken them they made such a huge difference I regret waiting so long. Now I ask for them as soon as I feel myself sinking.