Anyone else having home based care from crisis team?

[imnotmenow]

I was given the option of going into hospital or having them come to me. Has anyone else ever received this type of care? I didn't even realise they did this. The doctor was speaking on the phone while he was here and said "yes she's red, no no she's on red" then gave my name. What does 'red' mean??

It is positive that you got some sleep.

These hellish days are exactly that...hellish. Do you have any plans for today? Have you had anything to eat or drink yet this morning?

Hi imnotmenow,

We're so sorry to hear that you're feeling so very low.

As ever when threads like this are flagged up to us, we think it's useful to post a link to our Mental Health webguide - there are lots of organisations listed there that may be able to offer you ongoing help.

You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

We can see that you're getting some really good advice and support here, but would urge you to continue to seek help in real life as well.

We really hope you're okay.

It sounds really hard. It's good you have family that have been able to take the DC (my parents have done the same in the past for me) so you can concentrate on getting better.

Are you on any medication through the day apart from the zopiclone? If it's a new medication they can come with nasty side effects when you first start them.

Have you anyone out today?

No one out today becuase only males were available so I refused. I'm on 150mg sertraline through the day. I don't know what to do with myself. I feel I've failed everyone I feel like I'm losing it

You haven't failed, your seeking help that's a very brave thing to do.

Have you been on the sertraline long? And have you managed some food and drink today?

Been about over a week now. Something's knocked me back today I've poured a large gin and tonic and bought wine from the shop and cigs too I don't even smoke. I haven't seen my kids since Thursday. I feel so worthless

A weeks not long enough to be feeling much if any affect from the sertraline,most ADs take at least 2 weeks to start to feel the benefit, and a lot longer to get to full effect. Some days are harder than others, I ddon't know how much help that is, but it is normal to have worse days sometimes, it doesn't mean that you have gone backwards, just that today is a bad day. Things will get better little by little, trust me I've been there.

It's great you have family support with the kids, but you must be missing them. Is it possible to visit them or have them visit you for an hour or so? Or maybe skype with them? Keep talking to crisis team and keep setting yourself little goals, even if its small steps, minute by minute hour by hour.

You might feel worthless but you are not worthless. There is a difference between the two.

Have you managed to eat or drink anything, aside from g&t, wine and cigarettes? I did not find alcohol helped me at all when I was in a state, but everyone is different.

OP I'm not an expert on sertraline (I'm not a medical expert at all just a patient) but a lot of these AD's come with some nasty side effects for the first few weeks. The more serious are dissociation and the urge to self harm/thoughts of suicide.

I'm not implying you have any of those but mood changes are common.

Alcohol won't do you any good, I've used it before for anxiety and although it helps short term long term it will just make things worse. I don't think it's advised with the Zopiclone either.

Your not worthless your ill. Have you spoke to your DC on the phone or anything? Would that help, if you can face it?

Try and avoid the alcohol. Honestly it makes
You worse.
I found the first few weeks on sertaline horrendous. The side effects where awful. Before taking them I was functioning just about. Then everything dropped.
I was upped and omg I had to drop back down. I'm not medical expert just surprised you have been given 150mg, everyone I have talked to said the starting is 50 and after I was bumped up I can see why.
After about 6 weeks I started to feel the benefits. Week one I was so pissed off and felt cheated as the media and that talk about the 'happy pills' to combat depression. There was no happiness and this added to the feeling of a being a failure as I couldn't even have the meds right.

About 3 months in something awful happened and this really set me back. And I had a drink. Huge mistake as this made
Me worse. Was great for a few Hours but that was it. The next day was bad as was subsequent days.

How are you today imnot?

Not good to be honest. I've felt worse today and when I've rung the crisis team number that they gave me they suggested I take a bath. Watch tv. Put my feet up.

I told them I'm not coping and I feel worse

OP. ADs often make you feel worse at the start as they slightly wake you out of the deadening effect of depression - which isn't a good thing if it makes you more aware of how crap you feel. And they often make your sleep worse for the first 10 days or so too. But, in the longer-run they will help with both.

I can't understand what else they can help me with though I'm just feeling like no one can help me. I miss my kids so much and yet I can't function to be around them I'm losing everyone

Oh sweetie it's truly an awful illness. I was an inpatient 4 weeks ago and I was sectioned for 72 hours against my will . It was not a good place at all. I was terrified as there were some extremely sick ladies. The ward it's self is so noisy day and night as many patients just don't sleep at all and treat night time as though it's daytime . Honestly they don't sedate you or even give you stringer meds . They assess you and offer treatments that can be supported by the community phychiatric team . Itv was the worst experience of my life being an in patient.
Do you have support staying with you at home ??

No my children are currently staying with their dad and I'm alone trying to cope through this. I feel completely worthless and ugly, unlovable and hated and judged. I feel talked about becuase I can't control this. I feel it will never get better and that my kids deserve better than me.

I'm not, you are valuable and loved, you're not worthless. Your kids want you just for you because you're their Mum. You are going to get through this, even though it feels so horrible. Many have gone before you through these awful times and can empathise with how you're feeling.

Even though it seems pretty awful that you've been left alone , hopefully those small acts of self care like having a bath or a walk will help a little bit.

Please be kind to yourself and keep posting as you need.

Please steer clear of the alcohol if you can. Intake of a 'depressant' whilst taking an antidepressant really skews things for your body.

Try to think of tiny things you can do for yourself. Baths are not the worst idea but I'd never suggest it to someone in crisis unless it was something they'd said they fancied doing because it can come across as minimising and dismissive. Im sure they meant well but it has to be important to you. So for example if you normally have painted nails but they're all chipped now - do that. If you've not done your hair and you normally would - do that. If you like a particular film - watch that etc etc.

It might be worth looking up common thinking distortions in depression if you've not already. The thoughts you're having are so common.

It also may be worth looking at some worksheets to support you to challenge your thoughts or maybe ask the workers when they see you if they could help you to do this as well and other techniques for coping with distressing thoughts xx

I have been in a similar situation to you - living alone and feeling dire. It is hellish. One of the reasons I find the crisis team difficult to work with is that I find their suggestions oddly trite - I never much liked taking baths.

I agree with pp that steering clear of the alcohol if you feel able to is the better option. The crisis team should be able to help you with this.

Are you eating and drinking at all? It is extremely hot today. If you can do one thing today, drink enough water might be a good choice.

Please keep telling yourself that the pain you feel now is part of the illness and will go as the depression goes. The depression is lying to you and saying you won't get better, but you will.

Thankyou for your replies it does help to know I can talk here. I know I'm not crazy but feel I'm heading that way. I am a normal person with a normal life and it's just all been turned upside down on its arse and it's affected me in a way I didn't imagine. I feel I'v broke and no one knows what to do with me now. I told them on the phone last night that I no longer wanted to be here and I just got told 'yes you do you have those kiddies' .... I had just told her I felt like taking my life regardless because the kids would be happier without me and she just said that and suggested I watch tv or have a bath. I don't know what I want them to do but I know I don't feel like me anymore and I don't feel sane. I feel embarrassed and desperate for the clocks to go forward a few years until I feel better.

That seems like terrible advice from the healthcare line! You would think they'd take things more seriously.

The crisis team can be hard to work with. I have been told various things that I do not agree with by HCP on various occasions. I find the Samaritans more helpful than the crisis team.

I suggest that you do not act on the suicidal thoughts; keep posting on here. If you would like me to I can throw suggestions at you that helped me, which do not include watching TV, baths, nor telling you that you do not feel the way you feel for xyz reason.

In case it does help you, I was in a similar place to you in February time and I am in a much better place now - it did not take years, I would say weeks or months from crisis point until I was partway out again.

Someone I know uses the metaphor of being attacked by a pack of wolves to describe how it feels to have suicidal thoughts. They sort of attack and need to be fought off. It's a case of finding out what works. I found the default suggestion of taking a bath mildly insulting. I don't like baths. Can you remember what you do like? Drawing and painting help me. When I was at my worst I used to colour in a children's colouring book. It was the single thing that worked, and that period lasted for quite some time.

OP I was in your situation last year. It does get better. It just feels like it takes bloody forever. I think I was about 6 weeks of the absolutely pit of hell couldn't bear anything everything is evil feeling.

Don't give up phoning the crisis team. Sometimes you speak to someone helpful. Sometimes it's someone bloody useless. I hated when people said 'think about your kids etc'- just made me feel worse.

I think the trite suggestions are well meant- if you're feeling awful it's just about getting through this time, until meds starting working etc, and it's a good thing to just focus on the next 10 minutes, rather than days/weeks/months, as most people can do anything for 10 minutes. Take a bath- 10 minutes. Watch TV until you're pissed off with it, another 10 minutes. Do some colouring- 10 more minutes. Talk to the crisis team who might or might not come up with something else inane- another 10 minutes. Be pissed off at the crisis team and come on MN for a moan- hey it's another 10 minutes and then it's time for bed! Etc.

I found that things that occupied my hands were good (decorating/colouring/knitting/sewing) and it was good having something that came about as a result of it. Quite often I watch tv/have radio on and do handy type stuff at the same time as having multiple things on the go seemed to work better.

And definite no to the alcohol thing. I did dry Jan and now even one drink leaves me feeling miserable the next day. it's a definite depressant and it will prevent your AD's working right.

I've been there OP my DD's (I have an 11 and 4 year old) go to my mams when I'm ill.

I just think if it was a physical illness it wouldn't feel as bad. If that makes sense.

Your not worthless, putting our DC's feelings ahead of our own is what makes a good parent.