Don't want to be here but I have kids that love me

[user321]

Basically that

Husbands left and it's 2 months down the line. I don't want to die but I don't want to live either. It's too painful and I'm struggling to hold it together for the kids. I feel life is too difficult to cope with. I feel trapped becuase I know the kids will be devestated but I just feel I can't cope

It sounds very difficult. Can you think of it as surviving in the immediate/mid and long term?

Immediate - if you have a serious or acute need to harm yourself go straight to emergency. Call the Samaritans - they will always listen

Short term,get through tomorrow- however you have to. Force yourself to do one kind thing for yourself. Talk to your kids (yes, they love you, that's a big reason to hold on.)

Mid term, see your doctor. Antidepressants aren't a magic bullet but they can help, therapy can help. Get outside more.

Long term, well maybe that's too much for now, but it's a thing to consider.

Do you have any real life help? Call someone if you can.

Oh bless you, I'm sorry you are suffering so much. Do you want to tell us what happened?
I definitely think you should go to your GP and explain what you've told us. They will be able to prescribe anti depressants and maybe also arrange for emergency counselling.
Yes, your children need their mummy and love you. In your darkest moments, think of all the lovely things and adventures you and your children can still have together.
Thinking of you OP

Two months isn't enough time for you to know how being alone is. I'm 18 months along and can tell you it can really change with time. In the first 6 months I went through disbelief, anger and giving up (went in antidepressants, had counselling cried lots, couldn't see the point).

After 7 months I tried internet dating as I thought a new man could fix things. The loneliness was tough and I felt my future was a haze. 18 months on realise that I am ok alone. I am currently dating and it's fine, but there is so much to enjoy as an individual about life. You have been left by one person but you are still you, and you deserve happiness. I wish I could get a future you to call back and say things will get better. For the moment there will be many of us on here to say hang on in there, time and new experiences are healers!

Already on ad's and having councilling but it's not getting any easier. I feel misunderstood by everyone like he's telling them something but not telling me what I've done wrong. I've been depressed for a lot of years and haven't been easy to live with but I've always loved him and always told him so. He's always told me so too until one day he just doesn't. I should be getting over it and I just can't I just can't deal with it all I don't want to be here. I've spoken to Samaritans I don't feel like they can help.

Can you stop thinking too far ahead - focus on today only.

How old are the children?

Does he take them overnight?

Have you considered increasing your dose of meds

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

I know exactly what you mean.

Let's hope better things are around the corner for both of us

The kids are 4 and 7. I thought we was ok and getting by and now I look back and I can remember certain times and specific events that I know weren't right and were emotionally abusive by him but I'm being accused of emotional abuse too and denying it makes me seem stereotypical of someone who does so I can't get my point across I've been so mentally ill I haven't been meaning to make his life a misery I've just struggled I just feel he's trying to make me out to be the bad guy to make sure he comes out of this the good guy. Mental health and depression has ruined my life and my marriage and now it's getting worse because it's winning I don't want to be here it's ruined everything.