I don't know what to do.

[DisneySenior]

I don't know where else to post this.

I've suffered from depression for years. Been to gp more times than I can count but keep being told to get some more fresh air, lose weight and I'll feel better. They won't give me pills and I don't think they believe me and I don't know or understand why. I'm at rock bottom.

I finally escaped from a 7 year long emotionally, financially and eventually physically abusive relationship. I kept getting out and going back but after a huge beating witnessed by my 8 year old dd1 back in January he was arrested and charged. In court he received a £400 fine. Absolutely disgusting but that's another issue. Dd1 is not his child, but we have 4yo dd2 together.

Due to dd1 witnessing so much over the years she'd been very withdrawn and upset, she's getting counselling but is having nightmares and is not settling in this flat. We are in a council property (Scotland, it may be relevant) at the moment and we are struggling. Dd1 is terrified he will turn up and after a meeting with the housing team I was granted a section 5 homeless pass and the maximum amount of points needed for a property. Although we are not literally homeless, on paper to them we are. We live in a town with a very low number of council properties. Since being awarded my pass in January I have applied for the 9 that have become available (all 2 bed which I need) and haven't got any of them. This wasn't an issue but it is now because they have moved ex dp into the next street 2weeks ago. He's managed to get a 2 bed council flat 2 mins away from me and he can look directly into my bedroom window from his flat. I saw him last night and it sent me into this mood I've been in since.

I'm absolutely shocked and cannot understand how this has happened. I have phoned them several times trying to speak to someone with no reply. I bidded for another property across the other side of town and haven't got it. I'm now stuck. There are 4 council properties across the other side of town, the remaining ones are all in this estate within a 1 mile radius of my ex.

The chances of another one being available in the very near future across the other side are slim.

Social work, family support and even my GP wrote a supporting letter with my application for that particular property and I still haven't been allocated it. I was promised a call back since Monday to explain but nobody has replied to me and won't discuss it with me.

I don't know what to do. Dd1 is going to freak if she sees him or realised where he is living now.

I don't understand why he has been given that property this is not his hometown and he doesn't work anywhere near here. He's actually doubled his commute from where he was living with friends. This is to try to get at me I know what he's like.

To top or all off it turns out I have £1600 arrears. My housing benefit hasn't been paid since January and nobody can tell me. Why but I have never been told. No letters calls or anything. I pay part rent so even when I've called each week with a payment it'd never been mentioned about arrears. The arrears are not stopping me. Getting a property though because the section 5 pass trumps all. Homeless services confirmed this today.

I feel like I'm in a dead end. I cannot afford to go private, I cannot get a private let in this town on housing benefit, I only work part time I'm a single parent I'm stressed to fuck I'm not coping. They have said I need to pay it in full or eviction will be started in a couple of weeks. I can't pay it.

I'm either going to have to leave my home town and start a fresh somewhere new or put up with him being there. I will have no family support if I move away and I will have to give up my work and the kids schools so he can live in a town with no meaning to him he has no friends or life here at all. Hr still sees dd2 once a fortnight at a contact centre arranged through court.

I can't do this anymore it's one thing after another and its been like this for years. I lost jobs, friends, family members all due to my ex cutting my ties with people and I need my remaining friends.

Sorry this is rambling I'm really upset.

You are having such a tough time and being so strong.

With regards to your GP, I would ask to see a different one, it doesn't sound like your current one is very switched on regarding mental health. There can be a huge difference in approach between GPs.

I'm don't have a huge ammount of experience of housing and what knowledge I have is mainly in relation to serious mental illness and homelessness. Am I right in thinkingthat you are I temporaty accommodation Iin your current flat? I'm wondering if they have temporaryaccommodation elsewhere they could relocate you too? Are there court restrictions on the distance he has to stay away from you? Does his new house compromise this? If so I would ask the police for advice.

Are there any womans charities in your area? We have a womans centre in the town I live in that can offer support and advise. I wonder if theres anything local to you?

OP sorry due to MH issues it's difficult to read your whole post.

But I think I get the gist of it. Given that your ex is where he is, and you can't do anything about that, can they move you to emergency accommodation until you've been allocated somewhere else to live? They need to find out why your housing benefit has been stopped- can't tell you why is not good enough. Is it due to the benefit cap by any chance? Usually, even if you have to pay it in the end, the council agree to paying back a certain amount each week Have you tried calling citizens advice/do you live near citizens advice (I know they aren't as widespread in Scotland as they are in England).? I'd highly recommend calling them if you haven't already- they might be able to talk to the council. I'd be extremely surprised if the council turned down a payment plan.

Your ex is a shit bag. You can't change the fact he's moved next to you (god knows why) but it doesn't mean that you can't get on with your life. It might mean moving the other side of town, and it might be difficult but at least you'd be away from him. Can you get a non harassment/interdict order against him? Again, citizens advice, or if there is some Scottish alternative will be able to advise.

Re GP. They might not be giving you meds because your problem seems to be your life, not a chemical imbalance- but I'm not a doctor. A different GP might think differently and it all depends on what symptoms you are having as to whether you end up with medication. Generally, whenever I've not been able to work due to symptoms before I've been to a GP but I don't know if other people have been working fine and been on medication. They come with side effects and certainly don't change your life, but they can manage the symptoms that come with depression anxiety. I'd at the very least expect you to be referred for counselling though as it sounds like you have been through a hell of a time- have you had any support that way, or a domestic abuse worker?

sorry, tried to read that- my brain is on strike

With regards to what dangermouse has said about possibly it being difficult situation rather than a chemical imballance causing depression this may well be your GPs thinking. But for me difficult life circumstances lead to stress and high stress levels over a long period of time lead to depression and anxiety (according to my CPN) For me ADs help me cope when high stress can't be avoided or managed with exercise and meditation alone.

true nolongerananxiouscarer sometimes I've ended up in a pickle because it's been too difficult to differentiate chemical imbalance from Life Being Shit. Where does one stop and another begin?

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I've calmed myself down and will phone again in the morning to see where I stand now and try and get a straight answer from them.

I feel like I'm taking one step forward and two steps back I'm incredibly stressed and life has been shit for years so definitely not helping my low moods. I haven't had dark thoughts for a while now but I can feel myself slipping back down that hill.

Tomorrow is another day. It feels like a punch I'm the face from housing departments and I'll get back in touch with my womans aid worker this week. She may be able to help me too.

I think if your thoughts are REALLY dark e.g. about harming yourself/others etc then your GP isn't doing your job and you should see another.

It is awful waiting for housing. You will get somewhere though, and then things will get better and you can start building your life again

With regards to the Housing Benefit, you should be able to speak direct to the Housing Benefit team at your local authority and they should be able to tell you why it was stopped and what they have done to get in touch with you (for example the LA I worked for in Scotland had all the letters sent out scanned on the system so they could be referred to at a later date).

Did your ex-partner live with you until January? If so did you inform the Council of a change of circumstances? If not, it's probable that they picked up on him no longer being part of your household and suspended the benefit whilst the situation was clarified. If that is the case, then I would have expected them to write to inform you that your benefit has been suspended until you provide x evidence or until 1 calendar month is up and that whoever was in charge of your rent account (whether mainstream or homeless) would also have been in touch to chase up way before you got to £1600.

Have they told you that your claim has been stopped (that would be my guess in the circumstances you describe) and have you made a new claim to stop the arrears amounting any further?

Are you in Homeless Temporary Accommodation? If so are they providing any Housing support/resettlement help? Or does your local authority have a Welfare/Benefits team you could talk to?

I would also go to speak to Shelter/CAB.