Anxiety and school run

[EastMidsMumOf1]

I suffer with aspergers, ptsd and gad. My dd starts school in september full time, I really dont know how I will cope 5 days a week having to leave the house twice a day, each day and interact with people with out having a meltdown! Currently she attends nursery 3 days a week but its my dm who does the school run, she does live closer and enjoys the extra time she has with my dd but now that Ive moved house to a complete different area dm wont be able to do this any more. Im just shittin myself abit really, I feel sorry for my dd already as I cant do nursery friend play dates, school trips or any type of group activity, I struggle immensely. Im used to MH taking over my life, but I really really really dont want it to take over my dds aswell any advice on how to cope with school regarding activites would be brilliant or just coping advice in general.

I am like a ninja - I am there seconds before the bell in the morning and same in the evening, I just can't do the standing around to chat. Good luck, I hope it goes well

Drop on the bell and pick up on the bell. Take your phone and mumsnet if you don't want people talking to you.

Don't worry about play dates and the like. I did the odd one with my other 2 but they aren't essential.

Really though you have years of the school thing, maybe it's time for some sort of intervention of your problems so you can develop coping techniques. Hiding away from the world is no life

That sounds hard. I presume you're on medication for the anxiety? If not I would say go to the gp.

Other than that, as scary as it is, just doing it day in day out should make it become easier over time.

Fake it if you know what I mean.

Drop off at the last minute.
At pick up, either ask for her to be out first, so you can pick up and run, or ask if you can pick her up a little late, so you can avoid the rush. If you talk to the teachers about this, they'll probably be happy to help you out.
I tend to walk ds to school, prepared to say hello to some people, then put earphones in as soon as I've dropped ds off and walk home with my head down, this seems to put off potential chatty people!
I would talk to someone at school about it if you can, they may have some ideas that might help you, perhaps going in early etc.
Don't feel guilty about playdates, we don't do any at all and ds still has friends.

Thank you for the ninja tip I will give that a try! Im glad playdates aren't so mandatory these days, speaking to my dm she said they were a big thing when I was younger and was abit when I said I didnt want to do any.
Im taking propanolol and have been recieving psychotherapy on and off but its always the same mantra, they tell me to keep doing it until I become desensitized to the symptoms then discharge me, over all the faking it method does work most of the time - but its mentally exhausting. I focus so hard on managing my anxiety that once I finally feel Ive got myself in a good place my aspergers steps in like no not yet. And yes the thought of it being like this for the whole school period is terrifying me I think Ill try talking to someone at school, or maybe Ill phone them before hand and explain about how I struggle.

If you talk to the school they might be able to be able to be a bit flexible. They might have a breakfast club/afterschool club that your DD can go to or the secretary might be happy to have them in the office for 10 mins at the start and end of school. Or you could just ninja it/do a combination of clubs and ninja. I was having panic attacks so did breakfast club and after school club, but now just after school is manageable. Schools are usually good if you talk to them. You won't be the first or the last person that has difficulties. I'm more sociable now and found out that even a person that I think is really confident/posh and chatty finds pick up time hard! You have a proper life long disability (the aspergers) so the school should work with you to make it easier for you. They should even have a policy about parents with disabilities….

If you use breakfast club you see nobody. But before school is easy to ninja and run. After school is worse though. I am quite adept at making a quick getaway but not always possible. Again, school clubs are ideal. Never arriving early (or late)
It has got easier though, anxiety etc wise

…eventually you might even be able to confide in, for example, your dd's best mates parents, your diagnosis and so playdates etc might be a bit easier to manage. You really need to have been there quite a while though, and know you can trust these people. But I've found with my daughter that because her mates parents know that I have difficulties (recurrent severe depression) their expectations of me are different…so there are more playdates/parties round their houses and very very few round mine and that is ok with them

I've never hosted play dates. I am rubbish at playground small talk and tend to loiter in one corner when necessary (I stand near walls or exits) and then depart.

Please talk to the school about it. A good head teacher will be understanding and do their utmost to help you and your child x

any advice on how to cope with school regarding activites would be brilliant or just coping advice in general.

Hi, I've recently found out how crap anxiety can feel. If you don't feel up to standing around chatting on the school run, there's no obligation to - just time it so you get there at the time of the bell and drop off.
Same at pick up time.
Everyone's usually in their own little world anyway - just fiddle on your phone and avoid eye contact and stay in your bubble until the doors open.

Oh, and as for playdates, I've never held one here and they don't feel they've missed out. It seems to be the new "thing" to do, but I don't remember having such structured time to play when I was little and certainly never felt I suffered from it!
Now ds is older he often goes out with his friends - not having classmates over for chicken nuggets and parents hovering when he was 6 or whatever age hasn't stunted his appetite for playing out/socialising with friends!

Have you developed any relaxation techniques with your therapist? If they are trying systematic desensitization with you, you should have some breathing exercises and other tips to help you reduce your anxiety. It might also be helpful (especially considering your aspergers) to try to get into a routine of sorts before school starts. Doing the walk in a couple times a week over the summer will hopefully take away some of the anxiety come September. If you're more familiar with the process then you can deal with the anxiety of other people.

Im really similar an old doctor told my parents i have very slight tiny amount of autism wasnt diagnosed but ppl in my family an my sons dad think i probably do have slightly, and im just very anxious about talking to people i dont know very very well and even the ones i know very well i dont feel like i can talk to really properly either and really not looking forward to my son starting school soon, i dont know if i would want to talk to the school about my problems i just feel weird about it, and plus if they think i have such a social problem wouldnt they worry about my son, i dont want them phoning anyone,, like social services, I feel quite down and upset about it knowing i will prob hate it and i cant just now do it , i think to myself i will turn up at the last minute and pick up too if i can,, but i know my son may be chatting to another child and that will stop me getting out and ill be stuck an i cant force him to rush off as it wont be good for him then sigh its so horrible to be this way,, sadly i dont believe therapy or anuthing would help me much but im too scared to try again