total despair

[mum2daniel]

i feel that i need to put my feelings down in writing. i have a son who is nearly 8 months old and i am slowly sinking into a bottomless pit that i see no way out of. son is a perfect baby and have no issues with him. rest of life is awful. since returning to work part time (mid january) they have been so demanding of me. high workloads etc that are unrealistic with child. i work from home so i cannot switch off. was going to leave job after 6 months mandatory time (to avoid paying back mat. pay) but that has changed now because i am pregnant again (7 weeks now) so have to stay in job. am the main wage earner (even working part time) so i am under pressure to stay in job for financial security for our family.
i spend my two days off work with son alone, three days in work alone and at weekends i am just doing housework and catching up on work. evenings come and i am too tired to spend time with husband so i go to bed. joined a post natal group but since that finished they all meet up on the days that i work, have tried to arrange another day with them but never get replies.
i feel so alone in the world and with no way out. have spoken to husband about this and he dosent seem to understand.

thanks for listening. x

I'm no expert, but could dh not be helping out more? If you are the main breadwinner, should he be doing the bulk of the housework?

I totally sympathise with him not understanding you - I bet he thinks that as you work from home, you sit on your arse all day with loads of time to do the housework.

Do you have some rl support? family or friends?

Practically, could you talk to your boss about your workload?

Sorry this isn't much help

dh does help out with housework but i feel i need emotional support. feel that i am loosing contact with outside world. boss's attitude to my problem is "tough" she is career woman with no kids. i just feel that all my days are the same.
family see me as being the strong independant type so i feel reticent about talking to them. lost touch with friends since having baby as they just seem to go out and get drunk all the time!
feel like a right moaner!

Aaahh - I know where you're coming from. You need a friend. Someone with similar priorities (ie: kids) Whereabouts in the country are you? Have you looked at mumsnet local for groups? Also, netmums have a meet up section, and I've met a couple of other mums through their boards. Does this help?

You HAVE to talk to your employer about changing things at work. Do they realise the pressure you're under in terms of your workload & are they likely to be sympathetic? Could you think about some solutions to your current work situation so you could present them with positive practical solutions that would help them & you ifkwim?

Could you afford a cleaner? Definitely let your standards drop in the house anyway! Do the basics is my advice!

What about a toddler group to get to know some other mums?

Sorry you're having such a hard time.

you are not a moaner at all! you are having a tough time. tell family and friens how you feel. it's not the same, but i constantly turned down offers of help with my (also easy) son as i felt to accept would be failing him???!!! i ended up making myself ill and others had to take over for a week. it was the best thing as i now accept help and i feel good and my son is happy. tell them, they will probably be chuffed to be needed

You are not a moaner at all x Whereabouts are you?

thanx for the positive replies. tots groups in area are on work days. i really feel that i would like to meet like-minded mums for coffee and chats. maybe i am hormonal too. having difficulty connecting with current pregnancy as i feel that it is keeping me in a job i hate. does that make me a bad person??

i live on the wirral

Do you plan to give up work eventually after baby no2? If so that could be the light at the end of your tunnel. I was also pgnt quickly after returning to work from 1st mat leave and really struggled to get throughthe days as v tierd, adjusting to being a working mum and knowing I was going off again soon.
Give yourself a break. Do things slowly and one thing at a time (at work and home). Ignore the housework (you can't do it when you've got 2 kids anyway).
Do what youre contracted to do at work and no more (they can't sack you for being mediocre) and concentrate on you, DS and DH. Good luck

You need to sit DH down and explain to him exactly how you feel. My dh had no idea how isolated and alone I felt after ds was born. As far as I was concerned it was blindinly obvious (so no one all week, lived in small village and couldn't drive to get out of it) and I kept waiting for him to see it - he never did. It was only when I was preganant with dd (with a similar gap to you) that I sat him down and explained I could not do the same again. The options were I returned to work full time (as I too earn more even part time) and he could be a shad or we could both work flexibly but something had to change. It worked for us and things got much better.

i totally empathise with you. i to have always been the main earner and wish i could sack my job off. i hate to say this but ive had to return to same job 3 times after mat leave feel like a failure as its like i dont like it but cant be arsed to look elswhere, really i think its a confidence thing as well. as for my kid free mates i feel its important to stay in touch but i try to meet them early doors or go for few a drinks but make sure safe and sound getting home on my own cos i know they'll be partying on, ive actually put some of my kid free mates off having kids after they've been to are's for a brew its a mad house here, anyway they feel sorry for me and force me out !!! as for my pig sty of a house we used to gut it now we just titty fate around with flash wipes and brush up a lot. i sometimes have days when think this is sooooo like ground hog day and feel really bad for not just getting on with it and i to feel like a moaner. good luck with this pregnancy and i hope work improves for you. all the best