Child with severe social anxiety being forced to do sports day

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My nephew is 14 and was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder a while ago. The school are aware of it but are forcing him to do sports day (which is in front of the whole school and their parents). My sister has spoken to the school but was told that he has to do it as it wouldn't be fair if he was the only one sitting out. He's now stressing over it and working himself up and it's not for another week yet. Even when he's asked to read in class he starts panicking, crying, shaking etc so doesn't do it.

Are they allowed to do this? Can my sister keep him off school that day?

Just keep him off school for the day.

Of course they aren't!! Just send a note in saying that you will pick him up

Make out he's ill, which isn't a lie, poor kid

Yes, keep him off.

Sports day is the last thing most self conscious teenagers need.

I hated it. Bigger built - hips and boobs by 11 so the dress up race stuff never fitted and it was never clean (undiagnosed OCD) and I used to tie myself up in knots about it.

My youngest has never done sports day since nursery where he hated it ...so I phone in each yr..he gets himself so worked up for weeks in advance,it's the noise that upsets him.all the shouting,he's the same at lunchtime in the hall..ASD

Just keep him off. No benefit at all in causing him more stress and anxiety. School should be ashamed of themselves.

Let him have a sick day, mental illness is a perfectly valid reason.

Could they give him a role to do? So he is there but not 'preforming'. Does he have a teacher that he feels comfortable with who he could help out for the day?

I think keeping him off is avoiding the issue not helping him learn how to manage his anxiety.

How is he ever going to get through daily life if he's taught to hide away and avoid situations that trigger his anxiety?

I'd suggest a peer support/mentor buddy who will stick with him throughout the day, as well as hopefully some CBT and counselling.

He needs reassurance that families watching are there to see their own child, not in the least bit interested in what he's doing/saying/wearing.

We don't force our DC. It's not worth it for them as it reinforces the anxiety. Sometimes we attend but our DC stays with me and watches.

How is he ever going to get through daily life if he's taught to hide away and avoid situations that trigger his anxiety?

You're underestimating how damaging such anxiety can be. Being forced to do something doesn't make the issue go away.

And, yes, people can happily go through life avoiding anxious situations such as public speaking and other "performances".

I'm socially anxious and have managed to avoid social gatherings, parties, etc. It used to eat me up inside and I tried and tried to go along and have a good time, but I'm now more at peace with myself by not punishing myself and just avoiding those situations now.

Let him stay at home

I was socially anxious at that age, though not to the extent of this poor boy. It did eventually go and I can do public speaking etc though I don't like it. Forcing him into a situation where he is nowhere near ready will not help - recovery is a long term process.

Is he having treatment to help him manage his social anxiety, if so discussing it with the proffesionals would be a good plan. I also suffered social anxiety as a teen and the thing that helped me to overcome it was pushing myself to expand my comfort zone in a graded way. Could you come up with a plan with the school for a way he can be involved in a supported way. I was no good at sports and so sports day (and P.E. in general) was always horendously traumatic and may not be the right thing for him. I did public speaking classes, I'm still not great in social situations, but I work in a public facing job that includes teaching and presenting to large groups of people. The trick is to build up gradually, and some strategies from from a cbt therapist or similar can be really useful too. Theres a couple of books my parents used to help me too, "Feel the Fear and do it anyway" and "Dare to Connect " I can't remember who they were by.

Hi everyone, thanks for replies.

He is getting treatment but progress is slow going. Never used to leave the house but managed to go shopping with us the other day. Can't really handle crowds or even a few people for prolonged periods.

Dsis is either going to talk to school and see if he can help setting up or phone in sick for him. He doesn't do presentations or PE usually either, or its the shaking/crying/nausea/sweating/not talking etc.

Bless him. He has a right not to take part in areas of school life such as sports day if they cause him distress

Is there some compromise he can handle? A job? Would he cope with writing results down with a friend? Something that meant he didn't have to perform in front of everyone.
If he can't cope with PE then he won't cope with this day.
If school aren't helpful I would book a GP appointment that day for a review of progress.

How is he ever going to get through daily life if he's taught to hide away and avoid situations that trigger his anxiety?

I would say that most of us try to tailor our daily lives to avoid situations which we find stressful, if we can. You can definitely get through life without going to sports day!

Would the profesionals he is seeing meet with the school and his parents to discuss what is and isn't appropriate. It sounds like sports day most definately isn't appropriate, I don't understand how the school can think it is if PE is too much for him at the moment!