DH diagnosed with depression.How can I help?

[ILoveGreekCats]

He's been on medication for 2 weeks. He's pacing up and down saying he can't cope any more. What can I do?

Is the pacing a new thing? I would encourage him to go back to the GP tomorrow if he's not feeling better after 2 weeks. I think the meds should be starting to kick in by now.

With my DH very simple things helped. I started to get up when he got up - he never asked me to, but he appreciated it. I still do now, 2 years on. Related to that, making sure we both went to bed earlier so we got more sleep. I tweaked our diet a bit. He stopped wearing his Fitbit as seeing how little sleep he was getting turned into a vicious circle very quickly. His depression/anxiety was work related and lasted about six months. I hope your DH is feeling better soon.

Definately encouage him to see his GP again if he's not starting to feel any benefit yet. Not all ADs work for everyone, 2 weeks if the average time to start feeling some benefit and also the point that side effects tend to start to settle. My GP waited 8 weeks before changing my AD this time though as she wanted to give it a good chance to work first.

My DH finds keeping normality and routine helps him and just accepting him as he is, not expecting to be able to make him feel better.

My son's psychiatrist says the SSRIs can take 6-8 weeks to show their full effects. My top tip would be never pressure, never criticise. It's bloody hard.

Try looking at www.mind.org.uk/ and www.iam1in4.com/ both for him and yourself.

Meds can take 4-6 weeks to kick in at times.

Ask your dh if there is anything he needs from you or would like you to do, it's OK to just be there with him otherwise.
Definitely get him to a GPS ASAP.

Gp not GPS.

If you feel like he might harm himself, you can absolutely take him to A&E. My BIL's job includes being the on call psychiatrist for at risk A&E patients.

Thank you all. It's so hard seeing him like this and not knowing what to do. When I asked hin how I could help he said he just wants me to be here physically ie.when he comes in from work. It's work related. He's self employed with a very stressful job and also he's always very pessimistic even when he's well. I keep telling him that he'll get better and that it takes time.

I can imagine it is so hard for you too.
I have also had/have depression. Sometimes you cannot do anything to help.

I can tell what not to do. Don't:

tell him to appreciate what he has
tell him to pull himself together
roll your eyes in exasperation when he can't make his mind up
tell him there's people worse than him
stop keeping trying to show him love, though he may constantly push you away

Maybe some dos:
show faith in medication, some of it is psychological
little things to make him smile, rather than grand gestures
get him out in the fresh air asap
remember it's not his fault. I can be, what can appear, controlling, selfish and manipulative. That is the only way I feel able to survive some situation, like being with other people.

My dad has always been a 'pacer', whenever he's stressed he always used to pace around the house, was always his telltale sign that he was feeling anxious or stressed.

sounds like you're being really supportive and understanding :) That's the main thing and really the best thing you can do for him. Just keep talking with him and supporting him along this difficult journey. In regards to AD's people can have strange side effects and sometimes people need to chop and change to find the right one that works for them. Its often a case of trial and error.

If the work situation is stressing him out are there other options in relation to this? Such as a career change or taking steps to go back to employed work? supporting him with this would be good if it's something thats been an issue for a while.

also just bringing him cups of tea. When I feel down nothing makes me happier than a nice cup of tea :)

I hope he feels better soon :)

2 weeks is not enough for meds to work - mine needed at least a month to kick in.
Can you take on any of the work? Even the paperwork? Sharing the load helps so much.

Following

Been the doctor this evening. He made a few changes to his Medstead. Unfortunately I can't help out much with the business and he doesn't have anyone there that can relieve him.

Sometimes you can have a negative reaction to new ADs that can put you at risk of suicide, rather ironically. Keep a closer eye on him, subtly, in case it's a negative reaction.

Get him outside into the fresh air as much as possible.
Get him to list some simple activities that make him feel a bit better - feeding the ducks? playing the piano, whatever. Get him to do at least one a day.
Exercise is a really good idea - can you walk together? Does he like dogs, could you borrow a friend's or a shelter dog this weekend and take it for a walk? Simple doggy affection can make you feel a bit better.

When pacing is there anything to help - going for a run, shower, massage, although he might not be able to bear touch.
Reading a favourite or gripping book or watching a film can provide a temporary escape.

None of these things is going to magically make him feel better, but a psychiatrist put it like this: In depression your happiness chemicals decrease and it spirals downwards; but every little thing that produces the slightest moment of good feeling is worth doing because it helps to top up those happiness chemicals.

Still no improvement. I actually went to a therapist last week. I feel like I'm at breaking point myself. I try to keep calm and be positive but I can't stand all the negativity.