I slumped back into a depression following a relationship breakup last summer. I went onto escitalopram and self funded counselling. Back in January I got back in touch with the ex and we mutually wanted to restart things both accepting we had changed in the period we had been apart. It was all going well until the end of March where I said a few nasty things which were totally out of character. I can only put that factor down to the medications as I felt so numbed by them. That week I had stopped my counselling as I felt in a better place to deal with things
Things escalated to an angry quarrel and she ended the relationship. We manage to be civil to each other but she doesn't like speaking face to face, When we are on the phone we are fine but messaging allows things to spiral and shes now blocked me and I have to accept (again) that there is no future.
I am still on escitalopram 20mg and am grateful that I am as I can feel the anxiety, sadness and emotion starting to spill over. I am not sleeping well and have no focus on my work or any interest in anything. I've a GP appointment in a few weeks where I am tempted to have my dose upped to get through things. Unfortunately with the ex we tend to move in the same social circles and I am working hard to not bump into her.
I'm nearly 55 and in a reasonably paid job - not too demanding in a nice firm. I cant stand to be in this situation - too many memories and emotions. I want to quit my job, sell my house and downsize to the coast and live off the reasonable equity the house will provide me.
Basically I have had enough and want to run away. I have faced up to things and tried to live a life but everyday is a chore. I've tried joining social groups and on line dating and it just doesn't work - it seems to just accentuate the fact that I cant find anyone and the loss of my ex.
Is it time to run away?