Basically what it's said in my title.
I basically had an awful upbringing sooooo bad I've seen things a kid should never of seen (blood stabbings etc my mum doing it to herself) anyway she has severe mental health and alcoholism and drug abuse I was then put into care at 13. Of course I was going to be angry at that the only emotion I felt but all my life I always felt different I always showed lack of emotion or loving not that I'm being nasty or doing it out of spite but I generally don't know how to feel or how to act lovingly I just act and talk to people as in friends wise but I do show somewhat care by admitting I like or love them and I care etc.
I just had a baby with my ex fiancé and I struggle as she came I loved her but I just couldn't show lack of emotion and I hated it I then was diagnosed with postnatal depression which as finally passed but I lost my fiancé because he got frustrated with me saying I showed no love what's so ever and I became angry all of a sudden I then went to proceed about why I'm like This (my past) and that I don't need to be annoyed easily or show no loving I just don't know how to as I didn't have it. We was together for 3 years he knew everything about me and my past but he still broke up.
He then proceeds to say well if you manage to love and show it to our daughter why not me but the difference is I have strong feelings because she's my baby and I'd never put her through anything I did it's different.
All my life I can never keep a relationship as I show lack of emotion and stress and anger which is out of my control it's not like I want to be like this. I have had counselling why 7 different counsellors since I was 13 I'm now 21. Been on antidepressants etc and they make you feel worse but I'm still so emotionless And I don't want to anymore!!!
So is this just normal for someone with my upbringing or do I maybe need to speak to a doctor further I just feel they can't help me after medication after medication and counselling after counselling!