Trying so hard to act normally, that you end up coming a cross as a total wierdo

[LaChatte]

Does anyone else find this happens to them?

I suffer from bipolar disporder and have recently had to give in to the fact that I need mood stabilisers long term after a breakdown last month.

I am supposedly going back to work tomorrow (Dr has said it's entirely up to me, he's willing to sign me off for longer if I feel I need it). I popped in to say hello to some colleagues this morning and sort of know I must have come across as odd because I was trying so hard to seem like everything's fine and as if nothing has happened (no one from work officially knows why I was off).

Now I'm feeling very unsure of myself and don't know what to do. DH thinks I shouldn't go back tomorrow but I think I need it to get back to normal.

Does anyone else know what I'm on about?

Yes! I could have written this. I compensate for the fact that I'm depressed a lot of the time by acting like everything is FANTASTIC and it just comes across as OTT and fake and I also get anxious and change the subject weirdly if someone asks me about something I don't feel comfortable talking about.

It's a "fake it until you make it mentality", I suppose. It's really difficult in work though. I always feel that stigma and can't admit the extent of my illness.