Posted a while back. Regular poster but using a different name for posts on this area.
I have severe anxiety and depression with 2 separate diagnosed anxiety conditions.
Long story short about 2 months ago I experienced another breakdown (yes I know they call it something else now).
As a result dd and I have moved into a new home. I have been back taking Meds regularly and have been able to do a lot more whereas previously I was basically in bed most of the time.
I lost my lovely old cpn to retirement and I thought my new one would be OK, we seemed to be communicating well at first and she is quite 'get on with things' practical and honest type which I like.
So last few meetings have been rare but I thought we were getting on ok.
Today she comes to new place, sees its all tidy etc but we've only been here a couple days and it's a gradual decline I struggle with.
Also I've told her its when I'm NOT busy that I get stressed, having a distraction of the right kind is good for me. It's like I have a brain that needs to be 'too busy' eg I can't just sit and watch tv, I have to be doing a puzzle or knitting or eating plus going through some kind of to do list in my head at same time. If I have less than 2 things going on in my brain at once I get v anxious.
I'm also kind of 'on a high' at the moment from being back on the Meds the right amount of time (but not yet up to therapeutic dose) and from being proud of managing the move ok. But I know from past experience that a high often comes before a drop! I'm half expecting (bad I know) half trying to prevent/prepare myself for that.
She has been told all this yet was insistent I was doing 'really well' and shouldn't need much input from her/Cmht within a few weeks. She has said she's putting me on to a local mh charity work coach with a view to some kind of training or voluntary work (haven't worked because of this and a physical health issue for 8 years, I have at various points thought about preparing to go back to work myself but as soon as I tried either I pushed myself too hard too fast or something happened outside my control which set me back).
It also worries me because I am in the support group of ESA and money worries are something that makes me v anxious. I know to the penny what's in my account and what my bills are/going to be, check my budget daily.
I'm already dreading the move to UC and pip (happening where I live in next few months) as when I first applied for ESA and DLA I had to do appeals and all that and it was very stressful. I'm worried if I'm doing voluntary work it'll be seen as me being fit to at the very least being put in the wrag group for ESA and I'm afraid I have very poor experiences of any changes of that kind. It ALWAYS gets cocked up! Or worse I'm put on JSA!!
Yes I'm panicking but I think I have reason to a bit.
I said 3 times that's a bad idea I'm gonna need more not less input probably in next few weeks when I come off the high.
Don't get me wrong I'd LOVE to work I've been working at least part time since I was 13 (yes I'm old but you could then) and full time most of my adult life until I took ill.
But I think given its only really weeks since last breakdown this is too much too soon. I've done that before and it was a disaster. I went back to work full time just a few months after first breakdown and I became v ill again within a year.
So how do I put it across to cpn? Am I using the wrong words? Not putting my case strongly enough? (I'm quite an articulate person but feel like I'm missing a 'trick' somewhere?)
Really need mners help!