Choosing to live with mental health problems

[ZerbaPadnaTigre]

I saw my GP about my very general anxiety this morning and I've come to the conclusion that trying to get better is doing me more harm than good.

My life isn't what I wanted but it's not bad and I waste so much time obsessing over and planning things I can do when I'm better, and reading about how to get better and completing online therapy and... I think I'll be better just making the most of what I've got.

I know I'm not good for much but I feel like there is stuff I can do so that I'm not totally pointless. I need to find some scales so I can see if I'm heavy enough to give blood at the moment for a start.

Anybody else in a similar position? What small things do you do to give yourself a sense of purpose?

What are you doing to try and get better? CBT has really helped me. Practical stuff rather than theory.
Exercise. Getting outside. Knowing when I'm just being anxious and trying to dismiss those thoughts. Recognising what events or things may cause anxiety and planning to reduce it.

Thanks for trying to help but I've heard it all, tried it all, have been ill with zero improvement for a good ten years. Really feel better for having decided to quit trying. I'd argue that being content with what you have makes for a happier life than constantly wanting something different or better.

Volunteering isn't an option because I've got no skills and a vile temper, which I know I'm supposed to be able to control by breathing exercises and mindfulness and counting to ten and... none of that helps either.

Wanting to do something useful isn't about making me feel better. It's about my life having a point. If I dropped down dead tomorrow, there are maybe half a dozen people who wouldn't have totally forgotten that I ever existed by the weekend and even some of those don't particularly like me.

I've felt like you before. I've got an eating disorder and have always thought - what does it really matter if I don't eat properly? It's only affecting me, and I'm mostly happier if I don't have to eat more than I want.

I've realised that actually it does affect other people - it's not just my problem. I don't want to cause pain to others by refusing to deal with my problem. This may ring true for you?

I've also slowly come to realise that I want more for myself that to feed (no pun intended) my obsession - I want to enjoy life like other people do.

I'm not better yet. In practise I'm no better than I was months ago. But having hope makes me feel so much better than before.

I think hope for a better life is invaluable and I'm so sorry you've lost yours. I don't want to sound preachy but I guarantee you do make a positive influence on other people's life in some small way, no matter how.

I don't know whether it'll work for you, but I only really started getting better after I stopped trying to. Trying to 'fix' my depression wasn't working, really accepting that it will probably be a part of the rest of my life made it easier to take the small positive steps. I've gone from being agoraphobic and barely functional to working part-time and volunteering. I'm taking ADs again but this time they're helping. I had to give up on being 100% well before I could be 10%, then 20, then 30...

Something I find helpful is not trying to rate my mood, but keeping track of how productive I am (for a relative value of productive - brushing my hair is on the list). Overall I do more when I'm feeling better, and it makes it easier to spot patterns in my mood and recognise progress. I don't beat myself up over inactive days.

I'm very lucky to have a lot of family support, and the 'giving up' stage was pretty drastic for me. Are you able to look after yourself and anyone else dependant on you? If yes then it's unlikely to do any harm to stop focusing on 'climbing the mental health mountain' and instead spend some time wandering the valley (if that analogy isn't too twee ). Aim to look after yourself (eat moderately healthily, wash, do the shopping etc) and try to do at least one thing a day that makes you smile. Watch a sitcom, sunbathe, eat a chocolate bar, whatever. That can be enough for now.

I have depressions and anxiety. I won't ever be fixed.
But I do use strategies to stop it controlling my life. You can make improvements. Life may not be perfect but you can work on controlling your temper or learning new skills. (Not that volunteering needs that. I used to dog walk for The Cinnamon Trust. No skills other than attaching a lead to a collar, holding on and walking!)

I know you said volunteering wasn't for you but I volunteer at a food bank, and I just sort out tins and packets into boxes. Really straightforward and always makes me feel good that I'm helping out the charity and those who use it.

I'm really glad that so many people manage to feel better after/with mental health problems.

Nobody's dependant or reliant on me in any way so it doesn't matter what I do. I'd just like to be able to say that I've done something positive for somebody because I do nothing but negative stuff at the moment.

I think volunteering is great and really admire anybody who does it but honestly, I wouldn't even try to inflict myself on a charity. It wouldn't be fair when I know how I flip out over absolutely nothing when I'm wound up.

And I'm feeling crappy about wasting a GP appointment. She was lovely but I think I was after a miracle (seeing my boss tomorrow for the first time in a few days and I know I'm going to get a bollocking for being rude to another manager last week) and she was at a bit of a loss what to say to me. Not a whole lot anybody can sugest when you've tried everything and nothing's helped. Just got to make the most of things as they are.

You've tried everything? Really? There are loads of different strategies. You sound like you are looking to justify the way things are. You don't sound at all well or happy so why wouldn't you try and change that?
You flip out? Why? What strategies have you tried to change that behaviour?

What about something like letter writing for Amnesty? Wouldn't matter if you flip out as you could do it when feeling calmer. Might make someone in a terrible situation feel less alone. There's a link here and they have sample letters you can download.

www.amnesty.org/en/get-involved/write-for-rights/

I've tried loads of different strategies. I've always been short-tempered and I've had general anxiety for a good 10 years. I've tried for a long time and now I've decided to try to put my time and energy into something positive within my limits rather than keep flogging a dead horse. Accepting my situation as it is isn't a bad thing.

That Amnesty link is exactly the sort of thing I was looking for, thanks :)

Also, possibly made myself sound more full of rage than I am. I'm not punching people in the face angry. I just get wound up, mostly by other people's actions, and can't rationalise that it's out of my control and talk myself down from it so it just builds and builds and I get rude and push inanimate objects around.

Another 'long-distance volunteering' thing you may like is zooniverse It's a citizen science website with loads of projects where you can help identify types of cells, animal migrations and stuff.

'Spy on penguins for science' That site is amazing.

ZerbaPadnaTigre I think there is a difference between giving up and accepting. For me, accepting helps. Giving up did not work out well for me.

For example, my sleep is somewhat erratic and I just do not worry about it. I mention this specifically because I said this to an HCP once and she seemed astonished, as if I was the only person she had ever met who just didn't worry about insomnia that much. Even the suicidal thoughts I accept. I found that pretending I was not having them did not work out particularly well for me.

I am glad you found zooniverse amazing, because I am a scientist and believe citizen science to be a powerful concept that enables scientific progress to be made. Ambitious work has been done in my field using the power of citizen science. Not by me, I hasten to add.

"Anxiety is the worst" among MH problems is something I have heard over and over again. I agree. I tend to find that, again, acceptance helps. As does diazepam and, curiously in my case, caffeine. YMMV.

I hope that your boss' boss does not give you too much of a bollocking.

There are a couple of ongoing threads on this board that I find supportive, if that sort of thing works for you?

It's funny how different people see different things as problematic. I was saying this to my GP yesterday. She gave me a questionnaire with 'I feel cheerful' on it. I've never felt cheerful in my life and I object to being told my personality is actually depression.

Really interesting to hear about other people's experiences. So, so many differet ways of handling mental health problems. All just trial and error I suppose.

All just trial and error I suppose.

This is my experience. I also find that what works for me changes over time. The most important thing for me is to keep trying lots of things, stick with the ones that help, and not stick with the ones that do not. I do not find questionnaires helpful but some people do.