I don't know how to do this anymore

[kafia]

I have name changed because I feel so ashamed of myself.
I am not getting better and I am not able to feel like this much longer. I am desperate, so desperate and I feel so sick and drained.
I have been fighting for so long and I just don't know how much more strength I have. I want to keep going and o want to get better but I physically and emotionally don't think I can do this.
I'm in therapy now and I am on a shit ton of anti depressants. I'm waiting for some specialist therapy for ptsd on the NHS.
I am just a drain and I am so tired. I don't know what to do next.

I know I haven't really asked a question I just need some help :(

PTSD is absolutely exhausting, so no wonder you feel drained. You have no reason to feel ashamed - mental health issues are incredibly common and none of us asked to have them. I highly recommend a book called "Depressive illness, the curse of the strong" by Tim Cantopher. When I was first diagnosed, I really didn't want to accept it at all - but that book just opened my eyes and made me see that I had no more reason to feel ashamed of a MH illness than I would feel ashamed of having cancer for example. For now, be kind to yourself. Challenge yourself to cut down on how much you do - do you REALLY need to iron that top, do you REALLY need to hoover today rather than leave it to tomorrow, does it REALLY matter if you buy a ready meal rather than cook from scratch etc etc. Your mental health is significantly affected by your physical energy. Give yourself little treats too - have a bubble bath, buy your favourite box of chocolates and don't share them. You deserve happiness.

Thank you I will look at that book
I brought myself to a&e last night because I didn't feel safe and feeling a bit calmer today so thank you so much

Well done for looking after yourself and I'm glad you're feeling calmer x

How are you doing OP? Just sending you some good wishes. You sound as if you have a lot on your plate but like an immensely strong person to have got this far. I can't offer any advice but wanted to offer some support.