I really don't know how to sort myself out

[Ladybird909]

Just that really, I don't want to drip feed but it's difficult to summarise my whole life in a few paragraphs.

I struggle every day and have done for as long as I can remember, going back to when I was a child. I find it very hard to make friends and/or keep them and although I do have family around, I can't talk to them about anything and they can have quite a negative effect on me.

I am not a nice person for my DP to be around, I can't keep things in and don't have anybody else to talk to so I often lash out at him and am always grumbling at him about something or other.

I know he's not happy, and I'm not happy but I don't seem to be able to sort myself out. I get very anxious, stressed and effected by seemingly small things. If it was my DP on here asking about me then I am sure you would say to him that I am emotionally abusive and that he should leave the bitch.

I hate myself so much and I hate how I am but it all sort of leaks out and I can't seem to just get a grip and be nicer if you see what I mean.

I'm not in a very good place myself right now, so I'm not sure what to advise, but wanted to leave you these

Thank you chocolate that's very kind of you. Hope you're OK?

I'm in the process of changing my antidepressants, so I'm pretty up and down. I don't have much emotional energy to spare, but wanted to let you know that someone cares x

If you've had struggles from when you were young, then you may find it helpful to talk to a professional (GP or therapist etc.) to try and figure out what makes you anxious, stressed and angry.

You said that you're not a nice person, but the fact that you are acknowledging that your behaviour isn't how you would want it to be, is a good first step. I'm sure you are nice, but you need to find ways to control any anger issues that you have.

If your DP is kind and respectful to you, then you do owe them the same in return. This can be difficult if you have issues that you need to address. Can you discus this with them?

Although I've had anxiety for most of my life, I went through a bad patch a few years ago and looking back, I definitely used to take things out on my DH. He definitely didn't deserve this. I had therapy and although it wasn't really for me, I made other changes in my life and I'm now in a much happier place.

You and your DP should be a team. You should want each other to be happy, so I think it sounds like you need a little bit of support. x

Thank you very much for your reply Forever, it's much appreciated. I think that there are two issues for me at the moment.

One is, what you said about the fact that me and my DP should be a team really struck a chord. He is a lovely person, kind, nice and calm but we are not really a team. He is very passive, never sorts anything out, and I do feel like everything is on my shoulders all the time. He is not lazy, he will do anything I ask him to do and he works hard, but he always has to be asked and reminded. And it seems like he doesn't really listen to me any more - even when I ask him to do something and give him specific details, he often forgets.

I don't have anybody really to talk to at the moment but when I do talk to him about things I often feel like he is not really listening or his eyes seem to glaze over. Every so often we will have a major 'chat' about our relationship and how we're both feeling and it seems like we have got to the bottom of things but then nothing will actually change.

The other issue is that I have always had a sort of low level generalised anxiety, ever since I was a child. I am very affected by small things like noises, smells and sensitive to things like clothes that rub etc. I almost feel hyper aware of everything around me and so it's like I can't switch off, I notice small things all the time.

I have had counselling and been on anti-depressants before and do understand some things about myself and my past. I also understand to a certain extent what my triggers are and have tailored my life so that I don't put myself into too many stressful situations. But I don't seem to be able to get over this general anxiety, feeling uncomfortable all the time, low self esteem, hating myself thing.