I've been ill since I was a young girl, exited MH services 6 or so years ago. Alienated half of the staff from missed appointments with CPN, clashes and disagreements with psychiatrist. I've been pretty stable since then, although mainly housebound with my two littles from my crippling anxiety. Every time I've reached out for help it's been denied. The local CPN won't see me because of my missed appointment history, I've seen my GP a few times but they gave me a leaflet for group therapy and sent me on my way. My anxiety is too bad for group therapy, I can't think of anything worse.
Recently I've spoken to my partner about suicide. I think about it a lot, but at the moment I feel on the edge. He doesn't seem to get it, and it scares him. He constantly minimises my illness, saying I'm normal. I feel like I'm losing my mind. I don't know what to say to be taken seriously, and I feel really alone. I don't know what the point of this post is, I'm hoping someone will understand. I've just started a new part time job, have exams next week that I know I will fail, and have two kids to juggle and at the moment, life seems like a burden. I worry that if I go back to my GP I will get brushed off, the only way I have got help before has been a suicide attempt, but I am scared they will take my kids away. What should I do?