How do I stop losing my temper?

[MrTurtleLikesKisses]

I'll try to keep this short. I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety in the past but my problem at the minute, I'm ashamed to say, is my temper.
At work, I am happy, calm and laid-back. At home, I am permanently on the edge of a full-blown rage. It is always over something trivial (often the second or third trivial thing that's happened that day/evening if I was good enough to hold it together over the first/second thing.
I am seeing my doctor but the waiting list is 6 weeks. Has anyone else been in this situation? What did you do to manage it?
At the minute, I try to just breeeathe to remind myself it isn't worth getting angry over. I've also overhauled my diet. I went vegan a few months ago after reading about links with animal product consumption and mental health problems. I drink lots of green tea. I'm also trying out Kalms and Evening Primrose Oil. I actually feel better just knowing I am helping myself but it's still not enough.
I failed at keeping this short - if you're still reading, thank you!

This all really resonates with me. I have 3 DC, 2 dogs (one a puppy) and some days I just fucking LOSE IT. If anyone were to hear me I would be mortified but it is usually a build-up of trivial things, someone letting the puppy into the sitting room AGAIN, the mess, the noise, standing on Lego, the kids fighting, I will just start shouting and screaming and a lot of the things are a massive over-exaggeration.

I had PND with number 3 and am trying to get off the antidepressants (2.5 years later.....) so that weaning off process isn't helping but I actually think I am just an angry person . My dad has the same explosive temper and I always hated it but it turns out I am the same. So depressing.

I'd been telling myself that one child shouldn't overwhelm me

Oh, it makes me so annoyed, this sentiment!
There is no 'should' about it.

Motherhood is hugely mis-sold.
It is hard work.
It is the biggest life change we are likely to ever go through.
We get little or no preparation/training for this Most Important Job.
Undervalued, by society and individuals.
The pay is shockingly crap
It can be boring and stressful at the same time.
It is repetitive to the point of insanity.
Somehow, women 'having it all' has in reality morphed in to women 'doing it all'
Somehow this Most Important Job is meant to be done to perfection AND with a smile on our face AND while looking great while also working, keeping house, looking after elderly relatives, maintaining a hobby etc etc.

I did not have PND, I have 4 children and I cannot tell you how much more enjoyable life is now that my youngest is 7.

I really did not like looking after babies/toddlers and I do now make a point of talking about that sentiment when the subject comes up.

Wanting children and eventually giving birth to one does not automatically turn us in to saints. But it does automatically radically change expectations placed on us, by family/partner/sociatey/ourselves.

OP, you have every right to feel displeasure with your situation.
THEN - accept that things are messy just now, lower your standards/get paid help (as funds allow)/get your DH to pull his weight/make a point of counting your blessing while acknowledging that, yes, this is all a bit crap.

Wanna what stopped me from running away?
'This too shall change, this too shall change, this too shall change.... ' - aka The MN Mantra.

Wanna know...

Thank you so much Pacific. DH and I have had a chat tonight and he has said that he will do more. He says I have done lots for a long time and that he wants to "improve my quality of life."
I didn't hoover or cook dinner today. I waded through the dog hair went straight upstairs to lie down and DH has tea ready when I came down from putting DS to bed. And the world did not end. I must remember this.

Somehow, women 'having it all' has in reality morphed in to women 'doing it all'

This is how I feel! So much pressure from so many angles. I feel like I should do well at work, cook delicious, nutritious meals, keep the house clean, be a caring, engaging parent, keep fit...........

I an exactly the same. I could've written your post word for word except I have two DCs.

I'm actually having CBT at the moment to try and control my anger. For me it's the same - trivial shit about the house being tidy.

It just pisses me off that I'm the only one who notices or cares that the house isn't a shit hole. If I stopped doing the laundry and cleaning the skids off the loo and sweeping the kitchen floor three times a day, it would just build up and up and up because not only would DH not even notice, but if he did, he wouldn't care.

So every time I put harpic down the toilet I know that I'm the only one who ever will. And that makes me soooo mad.

I totally hear you OP. I'd love to be less angry all the time too. But I completely get why you are.

And the world did not end. I must remember this

Yes, you must

The answer is lowered standards. And chocolate. Or . Or whatever you enjoy. I find having fun with my kids while not-ironing (not done that for years) or not-hoovering works too.

Funny how most men/fathers do not feel that kind of pressure.

Just sayin'.

If I don't get a break I feel angry too. I feel much better if i can get out for a swim of a walk most days, maybe something like that would help.

I thought I'd update you all as a few of you said you felt the same.
I went to see the GP today about my temper/"rages" after a frankly ridiculous 6-week wait for a routine appointment. I initially went last year and was put on a half dose of citalopram, but came off it some time ago as I didn't feel it was helping.
I explained everything I've also said on here and the GP was excellent.
He said that typical antidepressants like citalopram are often no good for these kind of feelings and that he thinks I suffer from "emotional instability" rather than depression or true anxiety.
Anyway, he has suggested a couple of things:
italk.org - a place to self-refer for talking therapies, which he feels will help. I haven't had a look yet, apparently it can take a few weeks to actually get things going but I'm going to do it.
"Mindfulness" - I admit that I had heard this term used recently and didn't know what it was all about. He said it was a form of meditation to help thoughts wash over you rather than letting them take control of your life. He said there are some good books but he couldn't remember what they were called, but suggested I look on Amazon so I'm going to have a look at reviews later and choose one to read on my break at work. He also recommended an app called Headspace which I was downloading as I left the surgery! I've done the first ten minute session (stuck DS in front of Octonauts and came upstairs) and it was quite nice. Looks like it's quite expensive once you get past the free sessions but I'll give it a go.
He was kind enough to say that I should come back anytime and that he'd he happy to see me if these things weren't working. He mentioned some drugs we could try at that stage if need be.
I wanted to post this for those of you that feel the same as I feel so much better having been given some possible solutions. He wasn't dismissive at all either which was such a relief - I have certainly felt that way before (sadly more often with female doctors than male!)
Anyway, thank you for all your kind words and support. I hit a real low point a few days ago and I'm incredibly grateful to those of you who took the time to either give advice or just tell me I wasn't alone in feeling this way. I hope these suggestions from my GP help you too or at least give you a nudge to go and see your GP too.

Thank you mrturtle I've been the same lately - good to know I'm not alone.
Off to find 'Headspace'.......

Thanks for the update turtle. I'm glad to hear you're getting some help, sounds like your GP us really good!

I hope you find the right tools to deal with this xx