im not enjoying motherhood one bit

[wotamidoin]

and i feel guilty as hell about it. this sahm lark is not wot its cracked up to be. my 3rd child is an absolute nightmare, shes 2.5. i can't cope with her anymore and feel like just walking out.everyday there's an issue of some sort,over something trivial.

you know when you go to toddler group, and the same kid is screaming and carrying on every week? well thats my child. other people notice how bad her behaviour is and comment on it. she stands out from the others. she's bright and talks well, but spends a lot of her time screaming and yelling.Out of all my 4 children, she takes up most of my time and the others don't get a look in. my closest friends have admitted that they wonder how i cope with her. well the truth is , im not. every day im wound up and tearful.my nerves are in shreds. even my dh who's the most placid, laid back person you could meet, admits he finds her shreiking and screaming stressful.its not as if im a first timer, im no novice to the terrible twos,ive got two older children.my life is just awful.i can't face a simple trip to the local shop in case it will end in some trauma of some sort with her. i feel jumpy in my own home,last night she was screaming again and my heart was leaping with my nerves.i feel like screaming back and shaking her, but ofcourse i don,t, we don't even smack our kids.the urge is there though, and thats whats alarming me..the other day i caught her jumping on the chest of my one year old in the split second my back was turned.things like this happen every day.

this morning as i was in the shower, i could'nt get any hot water(older kids been fiddling with temp gage) and i just lost it. im exhausted after playing musical beds all night long. i felt so annoyed i just screamed obscenities, im past the point of caring if the kids hear me. my dh was absolutely disgusted and suggested that i should go to work if i could'nt cope anymore.he said he'd rather they went to nursery full time then stay at home with me if thats what i am like.i think he means it as a bit of a threat to make me take stock of the situation iyswim. the thing is, that option is becoming more and more appealing, but i don't know if its actually the answer, just a means for me to escape from her. why should my other kid's way of life be changed just because of this one?my youngest is only one and i could'nt bare to leave her in nursery full time when she really does'nt need to be.i just don't know what to do.the kids have been playing and hidden my watch somewhere, i can't find it anywhwere in the house and after 3/4 of an hour looking for it, i just sat on the loo and cried.its pathetic i know but ive just about had enough.

Oh sweetheart!
You sound exhausted, and need a break.
Is there anyone you could go and stay with for the weekend, whilst your DH looks after the children?
Re toddler group - give it a break for a while. My youngest hated it, couldn't stand all the noise and running about. I persevered for ages, then decided to have a break. It was the best thing we could have done. We met up with friends in the park instead, and it was much better. If youngest got stressed or kicked off, we would just go for a little walk away from the others.
Talk to someone about how you can deal with your DD's behaviour.You sound like you are scared of her tantrums and anger, and that is always very difficult.
Don't let her stop you going anywhere or doing anything you want to do, but make sure you deal with her in a calm and consistent manner, so she knows what to expect.
And reward ALL and ANY positive behaviour with lots of cuddles.
I know you already know all this, as you are an experienced mother, but I know from experience that it is sometimes hard to see the wood for the trees when you feel you are in the thick of day to day living with a child who demands lots of attention.
Perhaps you should also visit your GP to talk about how you are feeling?

One of my DTS was just like your LO and I actually went back to work to escape her.
Looking back I think that she just craved more positive attention from me - all of my time was spent telling her what NOT to do and losing my patience with her.
Is it at all possible for you to have quiet time with her on a one to one?
I know it is not easy if you have other children or else take her to the park and let her run about screaming her head off.
Sorry if you have tried any of this I just did not want to let this go unanswered.

Its hard work with little ones, sorry you are having a crap time. I spent time myself crying in the loo.

See if you can get DH to take them all off your hands for a couple of hours at the weekend 9to the park even), so you can do something for yourself.

Poor you.

Could your dd go to playgroup for a few sessions in the week? It would give you and your other dc's a break & she may enjoy it so don't think of it as just a way of getting a break from her, it would be good for her too!

Don't go to toddler groups when you're feeling like this, they're hard enough at the best of times! Give yourself easy targets like a walk round the block with your dd and build up to bigger outings like shops and the park etc. When small trips go well it gives you the confidence to tackle bigger outings. I speak from experience as due to my own lack of confidence I managed my first trip alone into town with dd (4) & ds(2) yesterday, and it went fine!

I remember the first attempt to take both when they were little. I didn't even plan to buy anything in town. Just to get there and back in one piece. It helped my confidence.

wotamidoin how are you doing?