im slowly loosing everything

[happyfrown]

i normally post in the mental health section but I just need to talk to some one. im sitting here wishing the days away feeling lost and numb. I cant see it getting any better or my health improving, im just so lost and lonely at the moment.
I have around 11wks before my 2 older children leave to live with their dad. I have failed them so bad, I know its mainly down to my health but its still my fault. when they go I will no longer be entitled to this 3 bed so will need to leave to a smaller property. suffering with anxiety and social phobia, not going out much I put all the energy and time into my home, over the 4yrs of being here (in this property) - decorating it has took my mind off my health and problems. the thought of leaving it and the area my kids have grown up in over the last 16yrs is hurting. I loose my boys and memories around me. my best friend lives across the road too. im so scared im going to end up alone away from everything I know

that sound like a tough situation. Will there be any things that stay the same? We have moved a lot due to DHs MH problems and I found focusing on things that stay the same like the way certain furniture is arranged in certain rooms helped give me continuity.

my dd is staying.
I don't cope well with change, my home has been my comfort blanket the last 4yrs. my previous property (across the road) was badly damp and mouldy and freezing and caused years of added stress & depression. this place is new and hugged me from the minute I moved in. I don't want to let it go
i don't know what to think, i don't know what to do with myself i just feel like i have no direction.

Thats great that DD will still be with you. What routines do you have with her, will those be staying the same?

I really hate moving house so I do sympathise. Will you be taking your furniture with you?

dd has a different dad I don't want it to sound like shes favourite.
school is the main routine but when I do have to move even that might have to change if I cant find anything within distance.
yes i will take my furniture, just need to downsize once i no longer need their bedroom

i don't know how im going to deal with it all. ive not had one night in the last couple of weeks where i havent cried myself to sleep. i know i don't deserve any thing at all and i should be grateful but i just hate how badly ive fucked up.

OP how many bedrooms do you Have? Can we help with working out if you can afford to pay the extra to stay there? Is that an option?

i have 3. i think its about £16 could even be £20? i shouldn't take up the extra room cos some one out there is over crowded and is in desperate need of the space. i just cant come to terms with leaving this place. im crying as i type just thinking about it. it hurts even more that im loosing this place cos i failed my kids and loosing them. i don't deserve any help but i just feel so lost and needed to talk.

i had a chance to exchange 3yrs ago, i got the papers but couldn't fill it in. i had to tell the lady i cant do it, i couldnt hand over my keys knowing i wont walk through this door again. even tho i was trying to move due to bullying, spiteful neighbours! i felt i couldn't part.