Medication for anger more so than depression

[winkletwinkletoes]

Hi my first thread I here,

I'm starting to feel like I need help with my anger. I've always been fiery but it is getting to the point where I want to lash out or have to throw something at someone or that.

I do have anxiety which was a new diagnosis about 6 months ago.
I am doing CBT and was finding it helpful. Changing the thought process ect.

But sometimes my anger can just come from no where over something trivial and that is it.

Last night was fed up of OH constant jibes about the way I was cooking and I just lost it and shouted and slammed the door.

I do feel like I try and contain it better as I would of usually thrown something across the room.

I don't want to be this way.

I had a very tough childhood and the effects seem to have hit me since I had my son more so.

I do not have a supportive partner. He has often called me crazy, psycho ect. Last night I said what do you want from me and he said to be normal again.
He said that my CBT is a waste of time as it's clearly not working. He just thinks that I should be happy all the time and not allowed a down day and if I do it's the end of th world. Even though he can be irritable he thinks I take it to the next level.

He said my son keeps saying mommy shouts all the time, why is mommy always angry.

I have stressful life. I work with child abuse every day, I work full time and try and keep on top of life. Also mid process of buying a house. I have no family, his family are a nightmare and my friends are literally non existent.

I feel like a big ball of angry and when I get pushed to that point of no return I spiral.

What should I do?

It sounds to me as if you'd be better off without your partner. He puts you down and doesn't support you. Is he your son's father?

Biggreenokives- he is yes.

I just feel like sometimes I would be ok in my own but that's where the anxiety kicks in full swing and the if's and buts kick in.

I've had the day off from work today for th first time in regards to my wellbeing. I haven't slept a wink and just kept re playing situation over in my head.

I feel like I need to see the GP today.

You may find this organisation helpful OP. They help pp deal with anger.

www.angermanage.co.uk

Anyone would be angry under that sort of provocation from their partner. I think you are judging yourself very harshly.

Have you considered leaving your partner?

I just feel like sometimes I would be ok in my own but that's where the anxiety kicks in full swing and the if's and buts kick in.

Does he tell you you wouldn't cope?

He's never said I wouldn't cope. He did say yday I need to be on my own because no matter who I'm with I would be like this.

There is times I've thought about going solo but in some parts he has good traits.
Then my anxiety kicks in and I think if I met someone else they might cheat or leave me, or be abusive or do this or that. Non of which he does really.
He is just not supportive or understanding of mental health. I said what would he do if I didn't function everyday. But I do. Barely.
He says I've been worse since counselling and I haven't because I worse before I went. If there was no issue I wouldn't of referred myself.

All this over a stir fry... after the 6th question I was at boiling point and said what does it matter!!! I do it one way you do it another it doesn't matter!!! Then I told him to go forth and swing and slammed the door.

Firstly well done for seeking help. CBT and counselling seem to be helping you from what you've said but neither is a quick
Fix. It will take time to get better. If you aren't on any medication then seeing the gp may be a good idea. A low level of meds may help even out the anxiety.

You are working a stressful job, looking after a child and looking after the house all whilst battling a mental illness. It is hard. You need to acknowledge that. Yes you are struggling but you are fighting a battle. It will get easier but it takes time.

Does your partner help around the house or with the kids? If you are both working full time then house work/childcare should be split evenly. If he's putting everything into you it's unfair as it will be relentless and you will struggle more for longer.

If he is often causing petty arguments over things like the "correct" way to cook that won't do you any good either. Anger is difficult to control but it's a lot easier if you don't have someone niggling at you all the time. Think about this one. It may be that he's goading you so you explode and then it becomes your fault. If this is the case him being there will hinder you getting past this.

You can do this I promise but it will take time.

Also counselling will likely feel worse before it feels better. You will have to talk through some Difficult things in order to make sense of them and move past them. The only way forward is to push Past the difficult part.

For immediate help google anger management techniques. You may find something that helps you.

I've explained it will get worse before it gets better. My 3rd week of CBT I was so miserable but the past 4 weeks I've felt better. My scores were really low 2 weeks ago. I just feel like I've backfired.

I said the exact phrase of stop goading me. And my response was your just putting it onto me rather than admitting you were in the wrong and my reaction was wrong.

I have a hard time of saying sorry anyways, I find it very weak and when I cry I get angry. I was never aloud to cry when I was growing up from the fear of abuse. So when I do go now it proper gets me going.

He said the srguement was petty and I agree but then couldn't admit there was no need to comment. He was so miserable yesterday from returning from evening study and I could tell cause the whole nice few weeks we had soon went sour and I tried to be supportive but he says I wasn't being supportive by saying he will be ok, when he knows he won't. I honestly feel like whatever I say or do will never be enough for anyone.

The fact that off my own back go and seek help and support for myself should speak volumes and yet it doesn't.

So frustrated. Sorry for rambling.

I think he is abusive. Do you get any time to yourself? Time to go for a walk or for a swim? It sounds as if you could do with some non demanding time so you can relax. I'm going to send you a & a slice of . Sounds as if there is room for some kindness in your life.

But then I guess I'm abusive with what I've said and done. Such a mess.

I'm still peeved at him. Really bad.

I do when I can. I think I need to prioritise more time for myself. I just don't get where this has come from I've felt so much better the last few wereks and he has really
Made me doubt myself and knocked the end out of my sails.

Got CBT tomorrow thankfully can speak to her.