I'm floundering

[Bleurghghghgh]

I'm drinking too much.

My mum is coming round tomorrow to sort my flat before an inspection

I feel horrific. I can't even tidy up after myself like a normal person. I've let it all get horrible. I don't even go in the kitchen now

I'm still going to work. I'm 'coping' but I'm not.

Citalopram was increased to 30 last week. I know this always makes things worse but it's never made them this worse before.

I just want to hide away

Urgh

I've just had a bath. I've applied moisturiser. I'm in bed.

All of these things should be normal, easy things. But it all feels like a feat. And I can't be proud of myself for doing them because it's not normal for it to be so hard

I realised at work today that I smelled of BO. I never smell of BO even if I don't shower or bathe for two days. I realised I hadn't for a week at least. Couldn't remember. That's why I had today's forced bath. I used to enjoy baths. Now they're just another chore

You should be proud of yourself for doing them because it's not always that easy!

It's good your mum is coming round to help you sort stuff, can you talk to her about things?

I don't even know why I'm posting. Outlet I suppose

Thank you for listening Poss. I can't talk to my mum no. She doesn't really understand. I'll pay her for the cleaning (she's a cleaner) but that's it really. She'll sort out my shit and try to avoid talking about it

Is there anyone you can talk to?

Even a bath and moisturiser is a good start!