I'm concerned I'm getting an anxiety disorder

[lizzieoak]

After a fairly long and emotionally abusive marriage (out ten years) I then had a series of jobs with varying degrees of bullying. It's starting up again at the new job and when I was sent to do the task I'd been betrayed for making a mistake at before, my heart was just racing. Again yesterday, busy shopping market, heart racing. This morning my son is not his usual self (lack of sleep and "teenage drama" he says), my heart is racing. All this heart business just makes me more anxious as I've lost a parent and a sibling to heart disease.

I have lots of great friends but am lonely as I don't like being single (still not used to it after ten years). I'd quit work in a second if I won the lottery. I dread going in (lovely colleagues, abuaive boss and stressed out supervisor).

Any tips? I'd like to shorten my hours, spend more time in nature, but may be laid off in 8 weeks (hoping for this, though then stress about finding new job).

I'm trying not to be unhappy, anxious, angry all the time, but am finding it very hard to feel safe anywhere but home.

I think you are suffering from anxiety and with good reason! It doesn't matter what you are anxious about, if you are anxious it is a valid feeling. I think the first thing to do is acknowledge it (which you've done) and identify what causes it (you've already done that too!)
Then you need to find ways to cope. Why not book an appointment with the gp? It's fairly easy to run some blood tests to check for any deficiencies which might make you feel this way. You can also get an Ecg done - would this put your mind at risk about the heart disease. You can tell the gp this is worrying you too.
Relaxation methods might help? Perhaps antidepressants? Speak with your gp, they'll be used to dealing with people suffering from anxiety, it's more common than you think.
I wish you lots of luck

Thanks freezing :) I appreciate it. I'd rather not tell friends as I don't want to scare anyone off but also am so used to taking care of people that I tend to downgrade problems.

It should say "berated" not "betrayed" below btw. Somehow an item didn't make it onto a printed list and while it wasn't lost (the system was tracking it), it wasn't an important item (no value or legal importance etc), and I was prompted to print it the next time, the boss said "it's just an entry level job" it's not "but I still expect staff to be able to count to 8." I was shocked at the time and didn't respond but I'm still so angry about that. I don't like being angry, but honestly I could hit here (have never hit anyone).

Every time I'm bullied it puts me right back to my marriage and I feel I'm letting myself down by putting up with it, but like everyone we've got bills and food etc to pay for. I am trying to find other work.

Thanks, I will make an appt w the gp, see what he says.

I think I'm naturally okay, happy enough, but all the abuse and bullying of the last ten years ... I have no resiliency left, no bounce back. I just need things to go right for a while, feel safe, and I think I'd be okay!

I was getting a lot of migraines too, from about 2013-2016, and that made me feel more vulnerable and anxious - I think a bit is leftover from that too.